Heroes in the Home
by MaddieSwo6
Summary: When Darden dies, he leaves behind his niece he's had custody of since she was three. Them being each others only family except for the members of firehouse 51. The house comes together to give this teen the family she needs. Follow Sawyer through the twists and turns of being fifteen and having her Uncle Matt and her Uncle Kelly as her legal guardians.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So instead of having to boys and a wife, Andy was given custody of his niece when she was three years old, and now she's fifteen. Andy's single and neither one of them have any other family except for each other and the guys of firehouse fifty one. So hear you go. Please Follow/Fave and review **

"Hey Sawyer what's up?" Said the voice of Lieutenant Matthew Casey from my phone.

` "Do you know when Uncle Andy's going to be here? He was supposed to pick me up like an hour and a half ago."

"Oh shoot," I heard him mumble to himself, "I'll be right there."

"Thanks Uncle Matt," I said ending the call. Today was rough enough I was glad he didn't ask any questions.

As long as I could remember I called the people of firehouse fifty one my family. See my dad left before I was born, and soon after my third birthday my mom died from a drug overdose, probably because of something to do with her crack head of a boyfriend she claimed was the love of her life. So when social services looked for any remaining family for me to stay with they came up with my mom's brother Andrew Darden. My mom and my Uncle Andy hadn't talked to each other for years because of my mother spiraling ways, so to him I was a great surprise. But as the story goes at least the way Herman tells it, "His heart grew three sizes the second he laid eyes on me." Apparently my wispy brown hair and big hazel eyes did the trick.

Ever since that day I've been living with my Uncle Andy and because of his over protective ways have been calling firehouse 51 my second home. It definitely made sense these people, before me, were his only family, they weren't just family to him but were all family to each other. So just like everyone else they all welcomed me with open arms and I soon became the baby of the house, everyone treating me like I was one of their own, or in Kelly's words" his baby girl". These people were the only family I had and I would never wish my life to be any different.

"Hey Uncle Matt," I said as he grabbed my bag and helped me into the passenger seat of his truck.

"Hey babe how was school?" He asked pushing a lock of wavy brown hair behind my ear and planting a kiss on my forehead. His eyes looked glossy and his face looked like he had a long day.

We talked of school and the game Friday night as we made the drive back to the firehouse. Every once in a while both of us bursting out in laughter. Everyone always says I must have got my sense of humor from him because every corny joke he thinks is funny I also think is funny. His blue eyes always gleamed when he truly smiled, and nothing made me happier than seeing the serious Lieutenant smile every once in a while. A few moments of silence went by and I suddenly heard his voice.

"Is there something wrong kiddo? I know you seem all smiles and laughs but I've known you long enough that I can see your hiding behind a mask."

"I'm fine," I replied, in the most reassuring voice I could conjure.

"What is it, tell me I'm not going to put up with this I'm fine stuff," He smirked grabbing my hand

"Well they moved some of my curriculum up to eleventh grade courses, and I'm struggling a bit that's all. It's just usually stuff comes easy to me and I know I'm no genius I just thought I wouldn't be struggling so hard to get and A," I answered staring down at my fingers that were now intertwined with his.

"Well I'm here for you babe," He reassured me rubbing his ruff thumb along the back of my hand. I chuckled at this phrase that he obviously stole from the iconic "Uncle Jessie" from the hit tv show Full House.

"What?" he asked as we pulled into the fire station. His blonde brow raising and his mouth creating an innocent smile

"Nothing," I laughed, now not only about his plagiarism but now for his oblivion.

"What," He asked once more now with his arm around me walking me through the garage. "If you don't tell me, next time I come to pick you up I'll come in one of the trucks with the sirens and lights on and call your name through the intercom and call you my little Sweetikins in front of all of your friends."

"You're bluffing," I smirked dipping out of his grasp as we entered the common area. I could see Herman reading his paper in his usual spot and Peter Mills cooking away in the kitchen.

He looked back at me with a mischievous face and replied" Am I?" I was willing to take my chances.

"So where's Uncle Andy," I questioned. Matt gave a suspicious look to Herman and ran his hand over his face before answering, Odis now entering the room.

"Oh he had some paper work to fill out at the hospital so….." He tried to reply as Lieutenant Kelly Severide grabbed me from behind.

"Monkey!" He yelled, holding me in his arms and swinging me around.

"Severide!" I exclaimed burying my head into his stone hard chest returning the embrace.

"What did you call me? Huh monkey? What was that you just called me," he asked tickling my sides with no sign of ever stopping. I wondering when it was going to end. ""You think now that you're fifteen and that all last week you were in Cancun with your friends that you're too cool to call your favorite Uncle, Uncle Kelly?" I giggled and giggled my eyes pleading for him to stop

"I called you Uncle Kelly," I screamed through the laughs. He finally stopped as he flung me over his shoulder very fireman esk, and paraded me around the room.

"That's what I thought," He said with his famous devilish smile as he placed me down and ruffled my hair. His eyes piercing grey, as he looked me over. He gave a questioning look to Matt who gave him a frowning nod. Something was up and I knew it. Know most of the guys from firehouse fifty one were surrounding me greeting me and asking how I was doing. It was nice don't get me wrong but it was unusual.

"We missed you Bella," said Herman kissing the top of my head with a distant look on his face. As long as I can remember he has called me Bella, just like my Uncle Kelly calling me Monkey, apparently Bella meant beautiful in Italian, which confused me because we all knew Herman probably doesn't even have a percent of Italian in him. That Boston accent wasn't fooling anyone. But I loved him, he was my Hermy and I was his Bella.

"I was only gone a week, Hermy." I replied walking to the table to do my homework. Grinning at him, if there was one person I would call dad it would be him and his warm loving smile. He just always knew what to say and was the words of wisdom in my life. I loved him for that.

"One whole week in a different country, without supervision, in the party capital of the world, I didn't sleep a wink." He said with a very serious look on his face. "What time did you get in last night?"

"Early enough to go to school today but late enough to be exhausted," I yawned.

"Yeah you don't look so good," He stated pressing the back of his hand on my forehead. I shivered at this almost on que.

"Thanks?" I asked not sure what to say to his comment.

"Yeah babe I think you might have a fever," Herman said with a quizzical brow. I swear he was always worrying about me.

"I'm fine," brushing the comment of he was probably just over reacting all of them were overprotective and it got annoying sometimes. He mumbled something at me but I just ignored him, as I got out my chemistry homework. The house quieted down as I began balancing equations and failing miserably at it. How was I supposed to do this?

The house was an eerie silent when I could swear I heard someone whisper my name. I looked back to see both the Lieutenants and the chief standing there all looking stressed whispering about something. Every once in a while I could see Matt glance over at me making sure I couldn't hear. Both of the lieutenants looked really stressed, Kelly had a grimace on his face and his hands behind his head, while Matt kept running his hand over his face. Both of their nervous ticks kicking in. I didn't know what this could be about. Little did I know this was going to be one wild ride…..

**Authors Note: Thanks for reading I'll have the next chapter up soon… It will get better as it goes I promise! I just had to set everything up for this story. Thank you so much! Please Review!**


	2. Wipe your Eyes

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews and follows. I really appreciate it I really hope you like this chapter. Please review and Fav/Folllow!**

My arm was wound up to throw my pencil across the room after I just banged my head against the table when someone grabbed my in motion wrist. I turned around and was shocked for it to be no other than Kelly standing behind me. His hand tightly clasped around my wrist. Somehow he made his way from having a conversation with chief to scaring the crap out of me. "What's wrong with you?" he asked looking concerned.

"Well if you're asking what's wrong with the world, chemistry is what's wrong with the world. And if you're asking what's wrong with me, life is what's wrong with me." I replied not having any more tolerance for this crap.

"Hey now," he said stroking my dark brown hair, "let's have a look." After a good hour of Severide going from trying to explain ionic compounds and reassuring me that I wasn't stupid I began to dramatically bang my head on the table. He slowly pulled me toward him holding my shoulders and looking me in the eye. "How about we take a break and eat some dinner before you give yourself a concussion. Then me and Matt need to have a talk with you," he said grabbing the sides of my face and kissing my forehead. The comforting side of my Uncle Kelly was rare to anyone else except me. His deep concerned voice was reassuring and could make you believe anything he said. It was just what I needed right now.

"You are pretty warm," he said commenting on the temperature of my forehead.

"Lay of it," I said in a serious tone but smirking to show him that I was just kidding. Kelly grabbed my hand and led me towards the kitchen where the rest if the house was loading their bowls full of chili.

"Hey girly girl," Mills said rapping me into a side hug as he scooped chili into his bowl. Mills was like the older brother I never had, he was my partner in crime and I knew I could call him whenever I got myself into trouble. His hugs were always warm and long which at many times saved me from myself. All my friends thought he was adorable, but who am I kidding all my friends thought my whole family was adorable. Even Mouch. "I made your favorite,", finally letting me out his embrace.

"Wow everyone is being so nice to me today," I replied.

"That's because we all missed you," Shay said tapping me on the nose with her spoon when she said you. Her blonde ponytail swung behind her. "It's pretty boring around here without you around." I grinned back at her. Kelly grabbed me a bowl and placed it down at a seat next to him. Herman sat on the other side of me while Matt sat across from him.

"Do you not like it Saw," Otis asked in his rare concerned voice as he watched me flip my spoon through the chili over and over again.

"No it's really good I'm just not really hungry," I smiled at him. Oats as I called him was usually the one who got me in trouble, he always convinced me to do stupid things and we'd both share in the laughter and the consequences. I had a special relationship with everybody in this house, each unique in its own way, but I would give my life for every single one of the members of firehouse fifty one.

"I'm telling you you're sick, honey." Hermy said giving me a knowing look. "You're even looking a little pale.

"Will you just hush," I said punching him in the arm. He cringed like it actually hurt, I was hoping it actually did. I had already gotten enough attention today and I didn't need people tending to me like I was sick.

"I'm a dad I know these things,"

"I'm not sick," I sang in a mocking tone.

"You two knock it off, and you, I know you're not really up for food right know but try to eat some, okay babe." Uncle Matt said giving both me and Hermy a look.

"Yes sir," I said as I lifted my spoon to my mouth. Life was good. I was back in the states and bickering with Hermy just like usual. I was right where I belonged.

I got up and helped Mills with the dishes when I heard Casey talking to Severide in the other room. "Do we have to tell her now," Kelly's voice sounded vulnerable and shaky, "She's so happy and we're going to ruin that. Who knows when she's going to be happy after hearing this terrible news, can't we just wait until tomorrow."

"I know, I know, " I heard Matt mumble, "but the longer we wait to tell her the more she'll resent us, and the sooner we tell her the sooner she'll be able to cope with this,"

"I know but she's our baby, and I just can't see breaking her heart like this. Matt, she's been through so much already this is something that's just going to kill her. I'm not dealing well with this Matt. Me. Mr. Tough Guy is about to break down over this. How is a fifteen year old little girl going to deal with this news? He's the only blood she has left." I walked quietly to where Kelly and Matt were standing I needed to know what this was about.

"Uncle Kelly? What's going on?" I asked hoping not to hear something that was everybodies worst nightmare.

"Let's go talk in my office," Matt said rapping his arm around me holding me close. I could smell his cologne. We all stepped into his small office, my Uncle Matt in front of me, and my Uncle Kelly behind me.

"If this is about my grades, one, why did Andy tell you about my grades, and two, I'll bring my Calc grade up I promise." I joked trying to lighten the mood. But somehow I knew this wasn't about my grades. They both chuckled at my remark, something I was happy to see.

"Babe," Uncle Matt said placing his hands on my shoulders and bending down so he was eye to eye with me, "Today your Uncle Andy, he was in an accident, and he didn't make it babe," His hands were shaking on my shoulders and his eyes were glossy. I looked back at Kelly who had a stone cold expression on his face staring at the floor. Never in my life have I ever seen him show weakness until today.

"You're kidding right?" I asked hoping the answer would be yes. "Otis just put you up to this for me telling him I missed my plane in Mexico. Right Uncle Matt? Right? Tell me you're just kidding Uncle Matt this is all just an awful joke. Right? Uncle Matt please tell me you're kidding. Uncle Kelly he's just kidding right? Right guys tell me you're just kidding and this is some awful prank." I whispered trying my best to keep from going into hysterics. This couldn't be happening, old Andy Darden was fierce, he was as hard as steel, he was indestructible.

"I wish I could babe, trust me there's nothing more in this world I want than to be able to tell you this is all a joke." I started feeling dizzy and then I felt someone catch me and pull me against his chest. He tucked my head underneath his chin and nuzzled his face into my hair kissing my head as I collapsed against him thinking about everything he just told me. His hand was stroking my back while his other hand was repeatedly tucking my hair behind my ear. I tried to speak but I couldn't. "Babe, I'm here whenever you need me, Kelly's here whenever you need him, everyone in this house is here for you, we all love you more than you can possibly imagine. You're our baby and none of this will ever change that okay?" he asked while he pulled me out of our embrace and rested his forehead on mine. Looking me right in the eyes. I couldn't speak so I just nodded. I laid my head back on to his chest.  I inhaled smelling his cologne. Something that I would never be able to do with Uncle Andy again.

I wasn't going to cry, there was no way in hell I was going to cry. Crying was admitting that it was real and this was actually happening, and never would I admit this was happening. My breathing was tiring me out, it was just as exhausting not crying as it was crying. I could here Uncle Matt's soothing voice in the background. "It's okay," I could hear him say in rhythm with him stroking my hair, "you can cry Sawyer it's okay cry, it's just me and Uncle Kelly there's no need to hide your emotions. Your safe here with us. I just looked up at him and mouthed the words "I'm okay" and threw myself back into him closing my eyes. He was wearing a short sleeve CFD shirt, and his warm skin felt so calming against mine. I was so lucky to have them in a time like this.

To both of their surprise I pulled out of this embrace and looked at both of them. Kelly now sitting in Matt's desk chair with his head in his hands. I went to open my mouth to speak and Kelly interjected" Monkey it's not healthy to keep in your emotions, you can cry it's okay. Everyone cries. The only reason we're not crying is because we cried as soon as we heard the news and we've accepted it. We could only accept it so fast because we have to be strong for you and we're grown men. You're just a little girl honey, let it out we're here for you, god put us on this earth to be here to wipe your eyes." The whine in his voice was profound like a little boys as he begged me to cry, but I couldn't not yet, not now, he wasn't dead so why did I need to cry.

"I'm okay guys really," I said with a little smile that wasn't fooling anyone not even myself, I was just ready to leave this office and forget everything ever happened.

**A/N Let's just say tonight for Sawyer is going to be hard. I really hoped you liked it. Thank you so much for reading it. If you have any ideas feel free to leave them. Please, please, please review! It motivates me to write. And make sure you follow/fave :D **


	3. Never Alone

A/N** Everything is finally coming into place! Just give me a couple more chapters and his death will be on the back burner and more happy cheerful chapters will submerge. I hope you guys are liking it . Suggestions are warmly welcomed. :D Please please please Review!**

Sawyer had never been an emotional person, she always kept everything bottled up. Never did Sawyer cry, she wasn't like other teen aged girls she didn't ever express her emotions, she hid them behind her mask of sarcastic, ball busting, remarks. She didn't want waste anybody's time for her own pity.

"Is it okay if I go?" I asked, looking at them still standing in Matt's office. Matt looked at Severide with confusion and concern. I had to try and hold myself together.

"Uh yeah Monkey just remember what I said, okay?"

"Okay," I mumbled staring at my feet. I just wanted to get out of there. That room symbolized something that I didn't want to face, something that I wasn't willing to admit was true. As I started to exit the room I heard a shaky voice behind me.

"Babe," I stopped but I couldn't get myself to turn around. I couldn't risk falling apart. "I want you to know through thick and thin you're never alone. We will always be here for you," Kelly sang. I stood there for a minute and then I slowly walked away. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to reply to that.

I had no idea where I should go. I paced back and forth when I finally decided to go back to where the bunks were. The lighting was dim back there, something that fit my mood. I walked passed my Uncle Andy's bed and ran my hand across the sheets. I had spent many nights laying in that bed sleeping on his chest. I could remember many times that we sat together watching my favorite movies when I was sick, or him singing in his awful voice to me when I was sad. A simple thing like a bed could bring back so many memories. My heart had fell to my stomach and there was no hope for it returning. I needed to get out of here, I needed people.

I walked into the great room where all the men were sitting, still staring at my feet. I could feel eyes on me but as soon as I looked up everybody acted like they weren't staring. "What am I the tooth fairy?" I asked breaking the tension of the silence. Everyone laughed a forced laugh as they tried to profile me. I could feel their protruding eyes as they searched for information. They must have been curios if the news had been broken to me yet, and why I wasn't all red and puffy eyed. I watched the puzzled looks on their faces as I just stood there not sure what to say in the silence. It was the first time I felt like an outsider in the house. It was the first time that I didn't know where to sit without feeling uncomfortable, I didn't think me feeling out of place in this house was possible.

"Bella, why don't you come sit with your old Hermy," said a voice breaking through the silence with a Boston accent. It was soft and soothing. I walked over to the recliner Hermy was sitting in, and crawled into his lap. I threw my legs over the side and rested my head on his shoulder. I could feel his chest rise and fall as he took each breath. Something about the sound of his heart beating was so calming it put me in a daze. We just sat there in silence as his hand ran up in down my back and the dad in him kicked in.

"Hermy,"

"Yeah Bella?"

"I love you Hermy,"

"Not as much as I love you Bella," he replied as he played with my hair. I closed my eyes and took everything in. I felt empty inside and not even my beloved Hermy could fill the hole that was painfully digging its way into my heart.

_I could remember the first day my Uncle Andy brought me into this house. With everything I had been through I was scared of new people. I could remember hiding behind my Uncle as he introduced me to his two best friends, the other two men I would soon call Uncle. I remember Boden shaking my hand and his deep voice saying, "Welcome to the family little lady," a simple phrase that turned out to be so true. And most of all I remember meeting Hermy. My hand was clasped in my Uncle Andy's hand tight, as he brought me forward to the man he thought of somewhat as a father figure. I hid behind his leg thinking that if I couldn't see him he couldn't see me. Little did I know how harmless he really was. I could hear my Uncle Andy's voice introducing me to the man as Christopher Hermann, and asking me if I could say hello. I stuck my head out from behind his leg and said "Hewwo Cwistopher Hermy," and quickly slid behind my personal shield from the world. I can still here both the men chuckle. Right then Hermy bent down to me and said "Come here honey, it's okay, I won't hurt you." His teeth showing in a friendly smile. And as soon as he said that I was in his arms, just like I was now. He was the first true person other than my Uncles that I trusted._

Quickly spiraling back into the real world I cringed at the thought of how soon I was going to forget the sound of my Uncle's voice. I just sat there thinking of all the things I was never going to be able to do again. I wanted to cry so bad, but I couldn't show death it had won just yet and I couldn't let the members of firehouse fifty one give all their attention to me when I was the one who had known him the shortest period of time. I didn't deserve grieving as much as they did. I felt Peter drape a blanket across Hermy and I and could still feel Hermann tracing circles on my back as I slowly drifted to sleep.

"How she doing?" Dawson said sitting down next to Kelly on the couch.

"I'm not sure, you know how tough she is she just won't cry, she won't let her guard down," Kelly frowned, "I'm worried about her, she's always acts so tough but she's just a little girl. She's going to brake sometime soon and it's going to be a really hard fall." He looked over at a sleeping Sawyer curled up over Hermann's lap.

"I mean back in my office she begged us to tell her it was all a joke. Some awful joke that Otis put me up to. It broke my heart," Matt interjected, " I don't think she wants to be felt pity for through all this, that's the kind of person she is, she's stubborn and she wants to prove herself. We have to show her that it's okay to act like the little girl she is. That she doesn't have to be the adult anymore that we're here to be the adult for her, the guardians she needs." You could see the passion in Matt's eyes as he spoke about his adopted niece. Today he had been through a lot, they had all been through a lot. If he had the chance there wasn't anything he wouldn't do to turn back time and fix all of this.

"She's grown up so fast, sometimes I wish she could see how precious she is in moments like this." Hermann commented holding Sawyers hand I his.

"How's my niece," Jeff Clarke said walking in the doors of firehouse fifty-one. His face looked tired and concerned.

"She's sleeping," Matt whispered pointing to the stirring girl snuggled against Herman. Clarke walked and kissed Sawyer on her forehead.

"The poor thing looks beat,"

"She is but she'd never let you know that, How was all that paper work?" Casey replied rubbing his eyes.

Clarke looked at Casey puzzled "Good everything is arranged for the funeral, and all the expenses were covered." He scratched the back of his head in awe. "I can't believe all of this is really happening. Never in my life did I think it would be Darden"

"I know." Casey reflected on the day. Thanks man for doing that, I really appreciate it," he praised still staring of in the distance. They all just sat there silently thinking about what was to come next.

I woke up to someone reaching their arms under me in an attempt to pick me up. "Mills, I questioned sleepily, looking up at the man with a sheepish smile standing over me.

"I was just going to bed I figured you would probably want to come with," He said innocently his big brown eyes swallowing my thoughts. His voice was friendly and upbeat. I slowly got up and grabbed his extended hand and followed him to the bunks, a song full of goodnights and sweet dreams had erupted behind me. Mills mentioned something about pajamas, but I groggily crawled into the bunk next to his, too tired to think twice about how it was Cruz's. As he tucked me under the covers and pressed his lips against my cheek saying goodnight, I had completely forgot about the events I had just became aware of. For once tonight, I was completely content.

**A/N Thank you for reading. Please follow and favorite. I really do appreciate it. And please review! If there is anything particular you want me to put in my story just let me know, and it will be done! Next chapter will be up soon.**


	4. Reality

**A/N It's a pretty long one and it was a pretty hard one to right, I hope you like it! Please review! Ideas are welcome: )**

I woke up to a sea of snores surrounding me. It wasn't hard to figure out where I was but how I got there, and why I was in the bed next to Mills was a different story. The sky was still a deep purple as I swung my legs out from under the covers and pressed the button on Peter's iPhone. The screen lit up with bright green numbers reading 2:37. Frigid air had filled the room, but I could feel beads of sweat roll down my back. Sitting there studying the picture of Mill's dog Lily , I tried my best to recall the day before and what events had led up to me waking up in Otis's bed. Suddenly it all came back to me, the chemistry homework, the chili, fighting with Hermy, and then finally, the news. I felt sick.

I ran to the bathroom collapsing in the first stall, my knees hitting the chilled tiles as I curled over the side of the bowl. I coughed and gagged emptying the contents of my stomach. There is literally nothing worse than throwing up. My eyes began to water and I began to shake when I felt a hand on my back. It was Kelly in a pair of dark blue sweatpants and a squad t-shirt. Still shaking I leaned over the bowl, my stomach holding nothing but bile, still contracting. The taste of bile filled my mouth as I felt Kelly gathering my hair in a ponytail at the top of my head. His worn hands made me shiver as they brushed against my neck. Tears now streaming down my cheeks, I crumpled against the side of the stall and closed my eyes. I could hear Kelly whispering, "It's okay," and feel him rubbing my back as I just sat there, relieved that my body had decided that that was enough.

Kelly pulled me to my feet and picked me up into a childlike hold, something that I hadn't experienced in a long time. I struggled to keep my eyes open as he placed me on the counter in the locker room.

"I'm sorry, Kelly did I wake you?" I asked him who was now wetting a washcloth.

"Nah Monkey, I couldn't sleep." He replied, washing my face with the warm water. "Now let's get you cleaned up." He gave me a friendly smile as he wiped my cheeks of their dried tears.

"I guess Herman was right," I chattered now freezing from the sweat combined with the chilled air. Kelly took the back of his hand and held it against my forehead

"For once in his life, I think Herman might be right. But for some reason I don't think this is all a factor of that." He wiped the final tear escaping from my eye away with his thumb.

"Herman, being right, so if I look outside I should see pigs flying, right?" I laughed at my own joke, and Kelly smiled back at me.

"Come on, let's get you out of those dirty clothes." The lieutenant commented lifting me off the counter and placing me on the bench across from his locker. He pulled out a pair of his sweats and a sweatshirt out.

"I can walk you know?" I stated, rolling my eyes at his gesture.

He shrugged, "Oh you can? I forgot." Kelly replied giving another one of his devilish smiles. He was famous for those devilish smiles. He pulled his sweatshirt over my head as I took off my jeans and put on the sweats he gave me. I stood up and his big sweatpants immediately drooped down my toned frame. We looked at each other and busted out in laughter. I wasn't sure if this laughter was from this particular situation or that all the stress we had accounted today finally felt a release in this event.

"I guess the ties there for a reason," Kelly chuckled, pulling the tie on my sweats tight and tying it into a bow. Handing me a cup full of mouthwash he whispered, "Gargle and spit," I did as I was told and spit the remnants of mouthwash into the sink. My eyelids beginning to become droopy again. Kelly took my clothes and threw them in his dirty pile and came back and grabbed my hand.

"Let's go get some medicine in you," helping me up he put an arm around my waist and took me to the common area. "Your stubborn you know that," he said ruffling my hair, which was still up in the ponytail Kelly had put it in. He left me on the couch as he rummaged through the fridge for a water and some pills. "Here you go kid," he said handing me the water and two pills. "Do you want me to make you some toast or something," I shook my head no, and he slid onto the couch, me now laying in between his legs.

We sat there silently for a while, my head on his stomach and his hand enveloping mine as we watched an episode of "Friends". Finally I looked up at him with big tired eyes and asked him, "Hey Uncle Kelly, can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah monkey, what's up?" His chest was warm and if I wasn't careful it was going to lull me to sleep.

"What am I going to do? Wh... wh… where am I going to live? I don't know how I'm going to do this." I stated swallowing my tears. Kelly ran his hands up and down my shoulders warming me as he prepared to answer.

"Well, under these circumstances your Uncle Andy left me and Matt as your legal guardians." He paused a moment longer. "And Uncle Matt and I talked about it and he's pretty adamant about you living with him. We think that since he has a whole house to himself and your school is right near by, it would be the best option to take. And then whenever you want to stay at my house you can, it's just all your stuff will be at Casey's." He looked worried liked I would be upset about this news or something, when really that was the least of my worries.

"Oh I see you're making me stay with Uncle Matt because he's stricter and he can handle my devil chiId ways." I laughed lighting the mood, I wanted to make sure he knew I was okay with everything without coming out and saying it.

"Exactly," he chuckled returning the gesture. I sat there in silence thinking about everything that was going to change so drastically because of Uncle Andy's death. I thought about me moving in with Matt, I thought about selling the house, I thought about all the explaining I was going to have to do to my friends, and finally I thought about how much I already missed my Uncle Andy. No longer could I possibly hold back my tears so as quietly as I could I sobbed into Kelly's chest. I tried to hide it but I couldn't, there was no hiding anything from Kelly Severide, especially this.

"He was a good man you know," my Uncle Kelly said, choking up from his own emotions. He pulled me up closer to him and put his chin on the top of my head. His arms were now around me as I cried into him, and somehow I could swear he was crying too.

" Hey cuties wake up, we have to go home and get ready," Shay said shaking the still intertwined Kelly and I awake. The light in her eyes shining but not as bright as usual.

"What times the funeral?" Kelly grunted, rubbing his eyes as I sat up.

"One," Shay replied," And it's ten right now. Shift ends in five minutes. Go pack up."

"You heard her kid, go grab your stuff you can come home with us," Kelly said to me.

"Uh, I don't have anything thing to wear here, I'm going to have to run home first."

"Come home with me, I'll run you home on my way and then you can get ready at my house," A voice said from behind me. I turned around to see my Uncle Matt standing behind me leaning against the wall with his bag over his shoulder. "Go grab your stuff," He motioned. I grabbed my Nike backpack, threw it over my shoulder, and smoothed my hair into a fresh ponytail. "I'm ready," I stated standing next to Matt.

"Okay see you guys at one," Matt waved, kissing Gabby goodbye.

Gabby kissed me on the cheek and we walked out to his truck. "So you and Gabby, when did that happen?" I asked giggling wildly. He looked at me and I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Well maybe if you were around more often you'd know." He said punching me in the arm while his face turned red.

"Oh Matty boys in love." I sang like a school girl.

"When did you start calling me Matty boy?" Matt chuckled.

"Let me think," I replied rubbing my brow, "About a whole thirty seconds ago."

"You're just full of spit and vinegar today aren't you?" he smiled

"Well now that I'm going to be living with your going to have to put up with it, every, single, day" I said dramatically just like the boy in "The Sandlot", says forever.

"Oh, so Kelly talked to you?" He said both of us now in the truck, the city whirling past us.

"Yup."

"And you're cool with it?"

"Well I mean I rather be living with Morgan Freeman, but I guess you'll do." I laughed at my own joke.

"Ha-ha, very funny."

"The truth hurts." I stated, "I know its hard Matty boy but the truths the truth." I ruffled his hair much like him and Kelly ruffled mine.

"Stop calling me that weirdo," he said sticking his tongue out at me .

"And I'm immature?" I smiled.

We pulled up to the place I would soon no longer call home and we both got out of the truck.

"You don't have to come in Uncle Matt, I just have to grab a couple things and then I'll be out." I said giving him a look.

"It's cool, I'll help you grab your stuff it will be faster." He reassured me.

He unlocked the door and held it open for me. After about ten minutes of running around the house I was back in the truck with a bag of everything I needed to get ready for the funeral. Matt put the car in drive and we rolled out of the driveway only to arrive at his house a few minutes later.

We stepped in the door to his welcoming house and I politely took off my shoes. "Okay so we have just about an hour before we have to leave, I took a shower back at the house, so you can take a shower in the master bathe. I'll get you some towels." He said, me now following him to his room.

"Thanks," I said to him leading me into the bathroom and handing me the towels.

"Yell if you need anything, Ill close the door on my way out." He said as he left.

I took a short shower and threw on Kelly's sweats as I blew dry my hair. I still couldn't believe that I was getting ready to go to a funeral. It felt so weird, what was I supposed to do? I had never been to a funeral before. I straightened my hair and braided my bangs back and then slid into my little black dress. The top of it had thin straps and was clingier while the bottom went about to my knees and was more flowy. I loved this dress because my Uncle Andy loved it on me. It wasn't too modest but it was classy. I stepped out of the bathroom needing to be zipped up.

"Hey Uncle Matt, I know this is weird but can you zip me up?" I asked while trying to do it myself.

"Oh sure," he said blushing. He latched the button and then zipped it up with ease. He took my shoulders and turned me around. "Wow you look beautiful," He exclaimed cupping my chin and rubbing his thumbs against my cheek. "Get your shoes on and I'll through my uniform on and will go." He smiled a sad smile, the kind of smile that your mouth smiles, but your eyes don't. It was going to be a hard day for both of us, I had lost what was left of my bloodline, and he had lost his best friend.

"Ready?" he asked walking out of his room in his uniform. I hadn't seen any of them in their uniforms in a long time.

"Yup," I said clicking my heels together, they were nothing special just short and black but they tied my whole look together. Matt grabbed my hand and led me out the door. The spring air was cool and I could smell wet grass from the rain that had fell the night before. Matt once again helped me into the truck and then he himself got in.

"So where are we going?" I asked

"Well because of his condition there's not going to be a viewing, so where just going to head over to the cemetery over in Evanston where he grew up," He replied. I just sat there for a while when we stopped at a red light.

"I really can't believe this is happening," I said blankly, my eyes not truly seeing what I was looking at.

Matt grabbed my hand and looked at me with wet eyes, "Me neither babe, me neither."

**A/N Hope you liked it! Please review and follow/favorite. I really do appreciate it. I really don't think this was one of my best chapters but I got writers block so the next one should be better! Love you guys, and don't forget ideas are more than welcome I'll update soon :D**


	5. Angel

**A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews! I will be incorporating your ideas into my next chapters. This is a pretty heavy chapter and I honestly can't wait for the happy ones that are in the near future I promise I hope you like it. Please review! They encourage me to write and if you haven't already follow/fave:)**

The motor died off as we pulled into the parking lot of the cemetery. Today was not the stereo typical day for a funeral, there was no lightning, or thunder or rain, or even a cloud in the sky. It was a day full of sunshine and chirping birds with the occasional chilling spring breeze. I could see the crew congregating in their blue formal uniforms as I was escorted to the entrance by my Uncle Matt. It was strange to see the whole crew socializing without the yelling and laughing, it was strange to see all of them without the presence of my Uncle Andy. He and Hermann were always the clowns of the group, never missing the chance to crack the world's cheesiest jokes. Oh, all the simple things I never thought twice about I was soon going to miss dearly. I already missed him more than anyone could imagine.

"Hey baby," Shay greeted me as she kissed me on the cheek.

"Wow my little girl has grown in to a stunning young woman," I heard somebody say behind me. I turned around and saw my Uncle Jeff standing their giving me his prince charming smile. Unlike the other men my Uncle Jeff hadn't come into my life until I was five or six, though Andy had known him much longer. See my Uncle Andy and Jeff had gone to the academy together but he wasn't placed in firehouse fifty one until a few years after. Still I latched on to him like he was my boyfriend, and for a while he was my favorite person in the world, just like everybody else once was in that house. Then one day, he and my Uncle Andy and my Jeff sat me down and asked if I would like it if Jeff was my Uncle. Since that day I've always called him Uncle Jeff and he's always considered me his niece. But we had a different kind of relationship. Long story short, we were bros. I know it sounds weird but that's the best way to describe it. He would take me to baseball games, and coach my basketball teams, and everything two brothers form other mothers would do. I wouldn't be surprised if once I was twenty one you'd find us on his couch drinking beers together. I still had every single baseball cap he would buy me, at every game we went to, and the picture with me wearing it backwards like the type of girl I was.

"I mean it love, you're beautiful." He continued as he approached me. I walked up to my Uncle Jeff and he wrapped his arms around me and buried his head into my hair. I could feel his warm breather against my skin.

"Long time no see," I said looking up at him as I pulled out of the embrace.

"Yeah long time, no see." He said sensitively with a soft smile.

"I missed you yesterday," I replied softly staring at my feet as I rocked back and forth nervously. In those few seconds of speaking it seemed as if the world had made an 180 degree turn and right at the same time all of this came in to retrospective.

"I wish I could have been there for you," he smiled another smile full of sorrow . In the past few days I had changed from a girl who wasn't a very touchy feely person, to a girl who was getting hugged and kissed every other minute and being held in someone's arms at night. I have to admit I think I've needed it. It's not that as a child I wasn't hugged and coddled like any other kid , if anything with everyone in the house I was over loved, but I just didn't want people to think of me as needy of attention or something, because honestly I hate needy girls. The ones crying because of everything or testing their limits with everyone.

With that we all walked over to where the ceremony would take place and took our seats. Matt and Kelly sat me between them. They both looked handsome in their special lieutenant suits all, showered and clean shaven. As the ceremony started I could feel both of them grab my hands. If a stranger would of saw us walking down the street we would have probably looked like some kind of weird family.

Every once in a while when the priest said something one of them found important they would squeeze my hand and look at my tear filled face. I wasn't one for sobbing, I was a silent crier, the less people that noticed I was crying the better. These were all tough firefighting lifesaving people, and I didn't need to be looked at as an emotional, unstable, tender little girl. The rest of it was all just a blur. The gun shots, the eulogy, the folding of the flag. Who was even given his flag? I cared about it all but I wasn't concerned. I finally came to at the reading of the letter. Every firefighter wrote a letter in the case they didn't make it out for some reason or the other. Kelly squeezed my hand even tighter as the priest began to read it.

"To the house, the people I call my friends, the people I call my family, to the one girl who shares my blood, I love you. Know that I died doing the things that I loved and with the people I loved. Since I came to this house you treated me like family. You were mine to call my own. You took in my one prized possession in this world and were, and are the support she needs .Please continue to be the support she needs, she is the one thing I love more than life.

Sawyer, like I said before there's nothing in this world that I could ever love as much as I love you. You came to me as a surprise, and you were the best gift a man could receive. You are my sunshine on a cloudy day, my entertainment when all is dull in the world, my baby, my niece, my daughter. You taught me to be the man I am today. And there's nothing I wouldn't do for you. I remember when I first was given custody of you, I had absolutely no clue how to do anything but we learned together, and made a new normal for ourselves. I'm so proud of the young woman you have become, every single day you continue to amaze me, and trust me even now that I'm gone, you still do. "By know there wasn't a dry eye in the house. I held both of their warm, soothing hands as strong as I could for fear I was going to fall over. My throat was burning from trying to keep myself from sobbing.

"And Kelly and Matt, I'm leaving the best thing that ever happened to me to be in your care. You're her guardians now, a word that means so many things. Hopefully one day you can say the same things about her as I do. Actually I know you already do. It's not that I don't trust any of you with her life, but I think of you to be the only ones who can possibly handle her wild, crazy, self. Now I only have a few more things to say. The house as a whole needs to kick any boy's ass that touches my little girl, even that boy Josh she's talking to. No boy will ever be good enough for her. But I know by the direction of Herman and Kelly that will not be an issue. I also ask you guys, especially Shay and Dawson, to teach her how to continue to become the Beautiful, successful young woman she is. And one last request, the one thing that I wanted more than anything in my life was to be able to walk Sawyer down the aisle. One of you needs to take my place. I don't care witch one of you she picks but she deserves to have an upstanding man with her on that day, with me walking right along beside her in my spirit. I guess I was wrong, now I only have one more thing to say. Sawyer, act like the kid you are, all your life you've had to try and act like the adult, now you don't have to. You're just a little girl, for once in your life let these people take care of you, and instead of you trying to take care of them. Open up and be more emotional, you only live once so show how you feel to the ones you love and learn how to be a kid. Ask for help, and except it.

You all mean the world to me love,

Andy.

And Sawyer you are my one and only, and my saving grace. I love you to the moon and back a million times. Smile that beautiful smile, the sun comes up just to see it. You have always been my angel, and now I am yours.

Forever and Always,

Your Uncle Andy."

The funeral was over, my rose was now upon his casket, and he was being lowered into the ground. As much as that letter was supposed to make me feel good, it made me want to throw myself o in the casket with him so I didn't have to live my life without him. My heart felt like any girls heart does when she finds out her crush doesn't like her back. Except this feeling was ten times worse. I could feel my heart beating inside itself. This was it, this was our goodbye.

Everybody stood and was mumbling words of endearment about him, and some people were simply making small talk. I stood there and smiled and thanked people for their condolences even though each one felt like my heart getting ripped out and stomped on. Uncle Matt tapped me on the shoulder, "You ready to go?" he asked pulling me away from the little old lady I lived next to. I was relived because our conversation was going in circles.

"Yeah, who am I riding with?" I huffed.

"You can pick your poison little girl," He smiled,

"Uh I'm going to ask Peter if can ride with him, so maybe Matty boy and Giberilla can ride together." I laughed and he rolled his eyes at me. I always used humor to hide my emotions, and I thought I was pretty good at it. If I could be funny, obviously I was okay.

I started to walk to Peter when Matt pulled me back, "That letter, those words, every single one of them was true. I'm completely serious Sawyer, not one of those words he said wasn't true."

"I get it Uncle Matt," I replied, "Uncle Andy wasn't a liar," I laughed.

**A/N Hope you liked it ! Please please, please, review! Next chapter will be up soon. **


	6. Memories

**A/N: I hope you like it. Please review! I warmly welcome suggestions and ideas for chapters, as I am taking the ones I have already received and using them . ! Please follow/fave. I really love my fans. You guys are the absolute best! If there is any pairings you want with Sawyer let me know. I am working on some Shay, Dawson, and Sawyer bonding time just as requested. Enjoy!**

"So where exactly are we going?" I asked Mills, while I drummed away to my favorite song, "TKO" on the radio.

"Uh some restaurant, I thinks its name is Gemini or something." Mills replied staring at the road in front of him. "Why'd you want to ride with me anyways?"

"Well welcome to you too," I said sarcastically.

"I mean like, why you would pick me to ride with, when you had all those other choices."

"You sound like a girl asking why you think she's pretty,"

"Oh my god why are you being so difficult." Peter laughed pulling me into a head lock and giving me a nuggie.

"The road Mills, you're supposed to be looking at it, don't you know how to drive?" I squealed.

"Then stop acting like a doof."

"So do you really want me to tell you why I chose you?"  
"Yeah I do," He now said a little more seriously.

"Well everyone says you drive like a grandma and I wanted to see for myself," I answered now laughing hysterically. As soon as I knew it a fist was coming at me and stinging my arm. "Hey," I yelled "Like I told Matty boy, the truth is the truth.

"First off, I do not drive like a grandma," He laughed giving me an evil look," and second off when did you start calling him Matty boy?"

"Oh, you sound more like him every day," I shook my head as I unlocked my door and stepped out onto the black parking lot. "Come on grandma we don't have all day," I called out as I walked up to the entrance.

We all sat at a great circle table in the back of the restaurant. It was a small reception, just the crew and I. I think they thought it would be better that way. I sat in between Herman and Shay with the rest of the crew dispersed throughout the table. Severide waited until everyone got their and he started off by ordering a couple bottles of champagne.

The ding of a toast brought me out of my lull. "To Darden," Kelly toasted, "And this little trooper right here," he followed motioning to me. A choir of "to Dardens" were returned and then replaced by the sound of glass clinking against glass.

"Shh don't tell," Herman said, handing me his glass. "Just a little swig now." I took a sip and looked up to see everyone staring at me.

"UUck it tastes like nail polish remover," I stated, and everybody laughed and laughed.

"Congrats Herman, it's been a total of an hour and your already doing things Darden specifically asked you not to do," Clarke exclaimed wiggling his eyebrows at me making me giggle. "Because of you we will now not only have a teenage girl on our hands, but one who has a taste for a fine wine." He winked at me and gave me a real and true smile. This was the first true gesture of happiness I had received from anybody since the funeral. The whole room chuckled a cheerful laugh.

"Come here," Shay said, pulling me on to her lap, "You know before I was your favorite person in this house, Matt was?" she smiled, sticking her tongue out at Matt,

"You were?" I asked, looking at Matt for confirmation.

"I remember when you were about three or four," Matt started. "Everywhere I went you wanted to be with me. And never did you ever go anywhere without holding my hand. So one day I walk into the locker room looking for you, and I turn the corner to see a little girl in grown man's clothes. You had my basketball sweatshirt on, and it literally was a dress on you, but that wasn't the worst part." Matt's face was lit up as everybody waited for him to finish his story. "I look down at your legs, and I see my dirty boxers hanging off you. You were so proud of yourself, you looked at me and smiled. I can still see you look at me and ask me in that little voice, "Uncle Matwy do I look pwetty."´ Everyone burst out into hysterics and now all attention was on me and my burning cheeks. "I tried so hard not to laugh as I changed you out of those clothes, but it was too much. I still have that picture of you hanging up in my locker. Every morning I sit there and think about that day."

An aww escaped both escaped Shay and Gabby's mouth. "You think that's cute?" questioned Clarke. "Wait till you here this one. We all know that it's physically impossible to say no to that face. "On que everybody once again turned to me. "So one day before a White Sox game, she came up to me and asked me if I would let her paint my nails. And of course, like any of would, I said yes thinking that I would be able to take it off later. So there she was painting away when we got a call." He shook his head and covered his face. "So after the call I picked her up and we went to the game, and throughout the game whenever someone walked by she would go, "Look at my boyfriend, doesn't he look pretty. And then she would hold up my hand to show off my nails. I got so much crap about that for months." Clarke looked at me with a pleading expression. "Till this day Danny still calls me crystal, clear, Clarke.

I looked around to see Hermann. "Nothing could ever top this one," Hermy chimed in, my head now against Shays chest.

"When Jack and Allie were about two months old, Cindy brought them to the firehouse for the first time, and like any normal mom when she would hand them to me and she would say, "Let's give you to your daddy." And the whole time they were there, everyone would make comments about me being a dad and what not. "

Herman stopped and grabbed my hand. "So about an hour or so after they left. This one comes up to me and goes "Hermy," and I'm like yeah? And she continues "What's a daddy?" So I explain to her, well a daddy's a man who loves a kid like you very much. She looked at me quizzical for a minute or so. " Hermy?" she asked again. "Yeah Bella," I answered again wondering what was on her mind. "You love me very much don't you," I had absolutely no idea where this was going. "Of course Bella, I love you to the sun and back a million times. " So since you love me very much and I love you very much, will you be my daddy too." She asked her big hazel eyes staring up at me. I didn't know what to say, so I just pulled her into my lap and wrapped my arms around her, and silently I cried. After a few minutes I looked down at her and said, of course Bella. That night I couldn't sleep thinking of that conversation me and my Bella had, and how much this kid right here had changed my life."

Hermann stood up and kissed my cheek. "I'm so lucky to have you in my life Bella," Hermy said to me. "I honestly don't know what I would do without you" The whole room cooed at this story with huge grins across their faces.

"Do you remember her first day of school?" Shay asked turning to Gabby. "We walked into their house to see her off to school, and Darden had her dressed in one of his big t-shirts a pair of her running shorts, and her hair in a baseball cap."

"That's right, I remember that," Kelly interjected. "Old boy Darden didn't know anything about dressing our baby girl." I looked at Kelly who blew me a kiss. I caught it and put it in my pocket. A tradition we had shared for as long as I remember.

"It took us at least ten minutes for me and Gabby to convince Darden that she shouldn't wear that to school. He was convinced that if he dressed her in girly clothes that boys would like her. We then spent twenty minutes for us to get it in his head that she was 5."

"She has always been a flirt," Otis chimed in. "Do you guys remember when she proposed to me? It was right after Michelle broke off the engagement and I was talking to Mouch about it. I didn't realize Sawyer was there, and I was complaining about how I was always going to be alone forever. The next thing I know Saw was on one knee right there in front of me, with a ring made out of a bread tie, and she goes, "Oats you're not alone, will you marry me."

"Heart breaker since the age of four." Gabby said, "I taught her right,"

Matt kissed her temple, "I hope not."

By the end of the night everyone's heart was warm and stomach was full. Now that I think of it Shay's legs were probably asleep, I didn't leave her lap all night. She and Gabby were the moms I never had. There was probably not a place I felt safer than in their arms. I could literally tell them everything. They didn't freak out on me when I got my first kiss, and they didn't attack my boyfriends. They did my hair for dances and helped me pick out dresses that both I and my Uncle Andy would like. If not for them my Uncle Andy would have never done anything with my hair except put it up in a ponytail. I don't think I could possibly live without both of them. Then again, I didn't think I could live without my Uncle Andy, but here I was heart pumping and lungs breathing.

"Ready to go kiddo?" Matt asked after everyone embrace each other with goodbyes and well wishes. We got in, and made our truck back into Chicago.

"You missed the turn." I said tracing circles into the condensation on the windows. "Oh yeah, I forgot." I mumbled glumly.

"Babe, are you okay. Throughout all of this stuff you haven't broken down once, or even shown that you're sad."

"Don't worry Matt you're not going to be living with a sociopath I promise." I joked as I played with the lock switch on the door.

"You know what I mean babe. You just haven't shown weakness once and your fifteen, it's not healthy. And we've all noticed you switching between names with us. Suddenly I'm Matt, and Uncle Kellys, Kelly."

"What are you guys profilers know," I replied a little offended at his comment. "I'm growing up Matt, it's not like it means anything. Everybody calls you Matt or Casey except for me so sometimes I get caught up in it. And honestly I'm really just sick of everyone asking me if I'm okay, or how I'm doing. I'm fine, not even fine, I'm doing well actually. Crying or breaking down, or being sad for a long period of times not going to bring him back. We both know we love each other and that's all that matters. I really don't mean to get an attitude with you because all the things you're doing for me, I'm so grateful for, but I'm not a baby, or a little kid, and I'm sick of being treated like one." I said hastily. "I really hope I didn't sound like a ungrateful, typical teenage girl, because I'm not. You took me in, even though we're not related in any way, and you love me even though I'm not really your niece. And I know how lucky I am to have you and any of those people at the house. It's just you guys don't understand me like Andy does. I'm not a weak little kid. If I needed help, or someone's shoulder to cry on, I'd ask. Since I didn't I don't, and wont."

"I know you more than you think I do, and you don't ask for help. Never in your life had you asked us for one thing."

"I don't ask because I don't need help." I replied now viciously pushing the lock button back and forth.

"Okay babe, just remember that I love you." He said picking up my hand and kissing it. I could tell he had given up and I was glad. I was done with this whole episode of shenanigans. I was okay, wasn't I?

We walked into the house and all that was on my mind was getting this dress and these shoes off. But for some reason I just stood there. It's not that I was uncomfortable, it was just kind of awkward. I guess. This whole situation was bringing our relationship into prospective. I don't think we know each other as much as we thought we did. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, it was just surprising.

"You need something babe?" Matt asked concerned.

"Uh do you have some clothes I could wear to sleep in? All I grabbed at the house was stuff for the funeral, everything else slipped my mind." The house was silent except for our voices, it was an uncomfortable silence.

"Yeah babe, of course. Follow me." Matt led me back to his room and I sat on his bed patiently as he looked for his smallest clothes I could wear to bed. " Ha-ha, these are going to be a bit big, but tomorrow we'll take you back to the house to grab some stuff , and this weekend we will move you in. Sound good?"

"Yup sounds good Uncle Matt. Can I change in there?" I asked pointing to the bathroom I got ready in before.

"Yeah babe, you need me to un-zip you first," I could still feel a bit of tension between us. Both of our words were gentler and voices were softer because of it. I shook my head yes and he unzipped me.

I walked out of the bathroom only to find Matt in the kitchen scavenging through the fridge.

"You want something," He asked, with his head still in the fridge.

"A bottle of water would be nice,"

He turned around and threw me a bottle of water. Suddenly he busted out into laughter. "Its just like when you were little," He said through the laughs pointing to the big white University of Michigan T-shirt hanging off my torso and the smallest pair of his black running shorts tied as tight as possible around my waist.

I smiled looking back at him. "It's not that bad."

"Your basically swimming in them." He said still smiling his eyes in disbelief. I ran my hands through my hair and pulled it into a messy bun.

"Hey Uncle Matt, I'm sorry for earlier. " I said referring back to his old name. "I absolutely meant what I said, but that doesn't mean I needed to say it like that. I'm already taking the bachelor life away from you, I don't need you to resent me because I'm not grateful for all you're giving up. Because I am. "I finished.

"I meant what I said too," Matt whispered, "And never would I resent you. I know you're grateful for all this you've told me a million times. Come on." He grinned motioning me to the couch. I opened my water and took a big gulp, relieved that the tension between us was mostly dissolved.

I sat down on the middle cushion of the couch, sitting criss- cross. Matt walked over and sat next me wrapping his arm around my shoulder. I was becoming more accustomed to being held, but I wasn't sure how much I liked it. It was strange but nice at the same time.

"What do you want to watch?" He asked me flipping the T.V. on. I just shrugged as he flipped to some show that I had never seen. "I figured since I've been using the spare room for storage, you can take my bed until we get you all set up this weekend. I'll just take the couch. That cool?"

"I've taken so much from you, I'm not taking your bed. I'll sleep on the couch its fine." I replied guilt still heavy on my shoulders.

"I can't let you sleep on this couch kiddo."

"Please Uncle Matt just let me, it's only a couple days." I pleaded looking up with big puppy dog eyes.

"Okay babe, but if you're uncomfortable you can come sleep with me deal?"

"Deal," I agreed as he covered us both with a plush blue blanket. Little did we know both of us were going to be sleeping on the couch that night.

**A/N; Hoped you liked it . Please review! They will be more mix of characters with Sawyer in the following chapters. Including Shay and Dawson! Suggestions are warmly welcomed and will more than likely be fulfilled. Thank you so much for reading. Love you guys! Fave/Follow please. Next chapter up soon. XD**


	7. Settling

**So I've had a ton of class projects to do lately and it has unfortunately kept me from writing. I've also had a completely awful case of writer's block, hence the not so dramatic plot in this 's weird how personal writing can become. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Haha. Sorry for the long period of time with no update. but because of that I promise another chapter should be up in the next couple days. I was really kind of disappointed me when I saw the lack of reviews for the last chapter, it really killed my muse. So please, please review:)**

I woke up to a Lieutenant Matthew Casey untangling his legs from mine as he got up off the couch. His blonde hair ruffled and going every which way. Slivers of morning light were just beginning to poke through the blinds. "Hey," he said looking down at me, " why don't you go crawl in my bed and go back to sleep." I didn't even bother to fight with him, I was definitely one for sleeping in. Groggily I stood up and dragged myself back to his room, and crawled into his bed. Resting my head on his pillow and inhaling his scent, I felt the covers being pulled over me, and before I knew it I was out like a light.

CFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCF

The down comforter tucked around me like a big fluffy white cloud, was fighting my will to get up. Slowly I pulled myself up so I was sitting with my back against the headboard, my legs still underneath the blanket of warmth, I could hear voices from the kitchen but I couldn't make them out, so I just sat there for a while ,listening. Finally I got up the motivation get up out of bed and make a journey towards the voices in the kitchen. Rubbing my eyes I looked up to see Shay and Dawson standing in the kitchen.

"About time, sleepyhead," Shay commented, "its four o'clock, what did you and Matt throw a party last night?"

"What?" I said astounded at the news she just gave me. I looked up at the clock on the stainless steel stove, and sure enough it read three fifty seven.

"Give her a break Les, she's…. she's slept in some weird places lately." I could tell that wasn't what she was going to say, and I was glad that she had saved herself . I knew Matt probably had told her about the argument sort of thing we had the other night, it just was the kind of person he was. I walked over to Gabby and wrapped my arms around her and rested my head on her chest. I rested my eyes by slowly letting them close.

" Where's your boy toy?" I asked embracing the warmth radiating off of her.

"Oh he had some errands to run, and asked us if we could stop by for a while." Leslie replied, I could feel Gabby's eyes glare at me from above my head.

"He's not my boy toy," Gabby teased, "We're simply dating,"

"So he wanted you to come over here and babysit me? I'm fifteen I'm pretty sure I can watch myself for a few hours." I replied hastily. "If I knew this was how things were going to go down I would of chose Uncle Kelly," I whispered under my breath in a more joking tone.

"Relax," Gabby justified, "He just didn't want you waking up to an empty house."

"And plus, Kelly is pretty protective over you," Shay chimed in. "He'll probably put you one of those child leashes every time you go to the supermarket." We all giggled at that comment.

"He didn't leave any rules I have to abide by did he?" I quizzed. They both glanced at each other and made a puzzled expression.

"No why?" Leslie answered.

"I'm going for a run." Before any of them could reply, I pulled out of Gabby's embrace and headed to Matt's bedroom to find a pair of socks. Finally finding some socks I grabbed an old pair of Matt's tennis shoes and laced them up. They were a little big, but they would do for today. I grabbed my phone, tied Uncle Matt's big shirt up with a ponytail holder, and slipped out the door without saying goodbye.

There was probably no better feeling to me than going for a run. I always got into a mindset that would make me feel like nothing else in the world mattered, something that made me feel like I could fly. As I ran I looked at the scenery around me, taking in the spring air, and the slowly greening grass. Spring was definitely my favorite time of year, I loved how the sky could be bright with a renewed sun one minute, and gloomy with beautiful rain the next. Nature was something I cherished deeply, it's something you don't take for granted when you live in the city because it's so rare, Matt's neighborhood was nice, it wasn't outside the city but it wasn't in the heart of it either. It was complemented with occasional budding oak tree and the blooming gardens of families.

About thirty minutes later I couldn't quite decipher where I was, so I decided it was about time to turn around and head back. The sky was doing it's classic change of light blue to a grey, threatening rain, basically complementing my choice.

A few blocks away from Uncle Matt's house it began to pour, so I picked up my pace and sprinted the rest of the way. I showed up to his door gasping for breathe and drenched in rain. I looked kind of ragged, but I felt great. I tried to open the door but it was locked. Right as I went to knock I was startled by a voice from behind me.

"What are you doing out here?" Matt asked pulling out his keys while holding some grocery bag in his left hand. "Sorry I didn't mean to startle you,"

"I went for a run and then it started to rain," I shrugged, still recovering from the last five minutes of my run.

"Look at you, you're soaking wet, you look awful," He gaped, as he opened the door for me. "Let's get you changed into some different clothes, preferably some dry ones."

"Okay, but let me ask you a question first," I replied stepping inside. "What's up with people saying I look terrible lately? Is there something in my teeth? "I said opening my mouth wide, Like always I laughed at my own joke and like always Uncle Matt just smiled and rolled his eyes at me .

After setting down his bags Uncle Matt brought me out some more big clothes and I showered and changed as he spoke to Gabby and Leslie. By the time I came out both Gabby and Leslie were gone and it was once again just me and Matt.

Not saying anything to Matt I walked into the living room, where I had spent the night before, and crawled into the big recliner on the right side of the couch.

Uncle Matt came in a few minutes later handing me a bottle of water and a granola bar.

"Eat up, you haven't ate since yesterday," He stated, sitting down on the tan suede sofa. "I figure we'll go to the house, grab you some clothes and then go get a bite to eat somewhere, sound good? Then tomorrow Kelly and Herman are coming over and we're going to get the rest of your stuff and move you in. Maybe after we eat tonight we can go pick out some paint for your room." He smiled at me as his eyes searched me for approval. I could hear the light tapping sound his finger made as it hit the side of his water bottle.

"You don't need to do that," I replied, he had already done so much for me he didn't need to put any more effort into our living arrangement.

"Do what?" He questioned looking at me with a confused face. His hair was now all in it's place unlike this morning.

"Buy paint for the guest room, I'm only going to be living here for two and a half years. It's not worth painting your guest room some girly color, when I'm only going to be here like 34 months," I sighed. It was true I was only living here a short amount a time , there was no use painting something that he was just going to repaint in a few years.

"Okay babe we have to talk," Matt bellowed. He patted a spot next to him. I slowly got up and sat down on the arm of the couch, sitting above him. He pulled my legs from a bent position into his lap and rested his arms over my calves.

"That room isn't the guest room," He motioned to the room that was right across from his. "That room is your room. It's always going to be your room." He stopped to look at me dramatically, I could see he was wondering if he had drilled that idea into my head. I stared at him dumbfounded. "You may leave for college in a couple years, but you'll come home for the holidays, and for the summer and that will be your room. This is just as much your home," He emphasized the word home greatly. "As much is it is mine. Do you understand that? This is your home now, and I'm going to do everything possible to make you feel like it is." He reached up and grabbed my hands as I played with the ponytail holder on my wrist.

"It's weird you know," I huffed still refusing to look him in the eye. "I don't think we know each other as much as we thought we did. There's so much stuff that just feels strange. Me and you we have a strange relationship. I mean I'm not saying we're not close, but this situation is weird" I paused for a moment, "Never mind its… stupid"

"No no, keep going babe," Matt said running his thumb against my knuckles.

"I just feel like a burden and I don't want to be. I don't want you to have to get to know me, it's weird because, I mean we were always buddies, you were definitely the other voice of reason in the house teaching me right from wrong, but now you're my official father figure. You're my caretaker. We're already so close." I smiled as I thought of our relationship that we had built throughout the years. "I love our relationship so much, I can honestly tell you anything. But now that the repercussions of my mistakes will be coming from you and Kelly, we're all going to have to relearn the ropes." I exhaled the rest of the breathe that was in me. Exhausted from the whole speech I had just let out, I finally looked him in the eye. "I just love you so much Uncle Matt, I just don't want to be your biggest regret for holding you back."

He pulled me down on to his lap and kissed my forehead letting his lips linger against me for what it felt like to be minutes. After a few moments, he cupped my chin in the palms of my hand. "Look me in the eye," he began, "I will never regret being your god father. Never in my life, Never. You are the best thing that ever happened to me and never will I ever have one regret about any of these decisions. You've always been mine babe, and you always will be." He rested his forehead against mine like he had a couple of nights before. "And I know that maybe you don't want to talk about everything now, but when you're ready, I'm right here. " I closed my eyes to these words as I felt his warm breath tickling my neck. A huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and a little piece of my heart had been mended.

CFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCFCF

The night before we had gone back to my house, and picked up some clothes for me the next day, and so I didn't look like a fool when we went out to dinner. Although all of Matt's urges for me to start calling his house my home, I refused to. He just didn't understand that it wasn't that easy, I had lived in that house as long as I could imagine. After dinner we had went back to his house and just lounged for a while until I convinced him to let me sleep on the couch, and then he had finally retired to his bed. I was more than happy to be left alone, I was sick of all the attention, I was sick of all the holding and touching and hugging. I really wasn't one for being touched. Hugs were just awkward. and being held made me claustrophobic. Now if it was my friend John that would be a different story.

Now we were headed over to the house to pack up more of my stuff with Kelly and Herman. It wasn't going to be much to do. We just had to load up my bed and the set that went along with it and a few other things and we'd be done. I think for now we were just going to leave Uncle Andy's stuff at the house. The house was already paid for and left for me in his will, so I didn't have to think about doing of the kind of stuff now. We pulled up to my house, where Herman was sitting talking to Kelly and Shay outside

"What's up guys?" I called, smiling at Kelly as we performed our secret handshake.

"Just waiting for you slow pokes," retorted Herman, poking me in the stomach.

After an hour or so we were back at Matt's house unloading my belongings, we had picked out a beautiful shade of aqua bluish green for my room and were going to make it classy with white stripes and black calligraphy but we were saving that for when I got off for the summer. I tried once again to fight him on this, but once again he had won. I had a feeling he was always going to end.

"You want help unpacking Monkey?" Kelly asked, with his head poking thru the door. "I wouldn't really mind helping."

"I'm not even going to start," I moaned, you could hear the laziness I was expressing in my voice. "Didn't we get enough stuff done today?" He smiled at me and motioned towards the kitchen.

"Come out to the kitchen with us," he motioned. I was now dramatically sprawled out on my bed throwing a tennis ball at the ceiling. It was one of those games you play when you're an only child, it was a lot more entertaining than you would think. "Let's go

," He repeated, catching the tennis ball before it fell back down...

"Kay bro, chill out." Getting up from the bed I walked passed him into the hallway that led me to the kitchen. HE placed his hands on my shoulders and pushed me the other half of the way.

"Let's go bro," He mocked. I rolled my eyes looking back at him. His steps were toddled as I slowed my pace, as we entered the kitchen I could see the other three adults leaning on the island talking and laughing.

"We're all going to Molly's tonight to celebrate your whole moving in, you want to come," Herman offered.

"What?" I asked disgusted at what he had just said. Uncle Andy always taught me not to be disrespectful, even to the ones you were closest too. I wanted to ask Herman if he was a lunatic, or if he was stupid, but I was raised better than that. Did he realize the only reason Kelly and Matt were given custody of me is because they let him get killed. Why would I want to celebrate a mistake they made, that lead to the only person I had the same blood as death. I gave Matt a friendly smile trying to shrug off the not so pleasant sounding "what". It seemed to work, because he was believing it.

"Molly's tonight, me, you, the crew, and celebration. Party" He spelled out to me."Are you in?"

I hesitated for a few moments biting my tongue more than ever. Never had I been so mad in my life, my face was heating up and I just wanted to tell the three of them off. "Nah, I'm kind of tired and have some studying to do for my exams," I was excused from all the school work I had missed because of the circumstances, but my exams that would finish out the school year were taking place Monday and Tuesday. "I'm just going to lounge around here, and get acquainted." That was a lie, I was probably going to shut myself in my room and forget that I was at Matt's house instead of Andy's. I was quite confident I had been dealing with 'this death thing fairly well. I had no breakdowns, I cried very briefly, and I was pretty good at holding my emotions in until they magically went away. Like the fall leaves that wondrously were disintegrated by the time spring came around.

"Oh I'll just stay with you then," Matt stated, looking totally unaffected by his change in plans.

"Go, have fun. I'll be fine here, it will be nice to have some alone time," I debated, faking a cheesy grin.

"You sure," I nodded in assurance. "Okay I'll be back by midnight." He went to kiss me but I avoided it by acting like I didn't notice and walking to my room. I was still really upset at their happiness so soon after something t_hey did._ I wasn't one to get mad either. I was definitely abrasive when it came to debating about something I believed in, but I always thought anger was a waste of energy.

"See yah," I sang from my room as I heard the door open and shut. The rest of my night I spent throwing my tennis ball viciously at the ceiling.

**I really hoped you enjoyed it.:) Another chapter should be up in a day or two. Please review! It really encourages me to write, and there's nothing better than waking up to people liking your story. XOXO **~ Maddie


	8. Calm before the Storm

**Thanks for all the reviews guys! I really apreciate all of them. Shoutout to busterposey28, M. Louise E., and FBICriminalMinds, you always make my day with your reviews. Everybody else should go check out their stories, they all are amazing authors , and have amazing plot lines.:) It will probably have some typos I wasn't in the mood for editing. Oops! I really hope you enjoy this chapter, it's a long one and pretty heavy so I'll stop talking so you can get reading, Please Review and Fave/Follow!**

It had been about a week since I had moved in with Uncle Matt. My finals were over and my school year had finally ended, relieving me of all of my social burdens. The past week had been a quiet one, Uncle Matt and the crew had it off because of the protocol the state mandated stating that if a team was to lose a member, they would need a week to function properly. My days consisted of getting dropped off at school by Matt in the morning, and getting picked up by whoever volunteered to pick me up. After getting home from school, I would attempt to bow out of things the crew were doing together, some days succeeding, other days not being so lucky. I had been stuck going to a barbeque at Jeffs, and watching a White Sox game at Bodens house. other than that the, other activities I had apologetically turned down. School had been a great tunnel back until normalcy, except for the questions and the condolences. I was so over the death of Uncle Andy, I honestly was just sick of getting asked how I was, or getting offered things out of pity.

Other than that my return to my group of friends was refreshing. There was about six of us, all best friends. We had all always played basketball and ran track together since middle school and because of it we knew everything about each other. And they knew enough to not smother me with emotions. Like every group of best friends there were sets of even better friends inside. The two that I was closest to were, Addie and Lexie. They were my Uncle Andy's favorite two girls out of my friends, just like they were mine, and we all had a mutual family love for each other. As much as I hate to admit it me and my group were pretty popular. Basketball was idolized at our school, and so was our volleyball team. All of us had at least been nominated for whatever "Royal Court" that went on at our school. High school socially, had probably so far been the best two years of my life, but with the traumatic events that took place I kind of feel guilty for saying that. Our group of friends hung around with the hockey team, which was pretty much the equivalent of the girls basketball team each of us having our "Guy Bestfriends," Mine being John of course. John, Lexie and Addie, had been my rocks the past couple of days. They all knew I wasn't an emotional person so they didn't push.

Today was Wednesday, and I was receiving a ton of texts about a party tonight celebrating the end of the school year and I was totally in. I was sick of spending my time solely with adults, every time I asked Matt if it was okay if I hung out with my friends this week, he would alert me of his previously made plans he made for the both of us and assure me that I could spend time with my friends soon. I honestly don't think he had ulterior motives with it he was just loyal with his plans. I was sure if I just ran it by him he'd be fine with it.

I walked from my room to the kitchen where Matt was sitting at a stool at the bar. Ever since I've been here I had spending most of my time in my room. It was weird living there. It was like spending a week at your bestfriends house. You were comfortable being there, but it still wasn't your home, and you tried your best to stay out of the way and not overstay your welcome. This was actually the exact way I felt about my situation. So most of my week I spent in my room, and every hour I was coaxed out of it by Uncle Matt saying he wanted to spend time with me, or that I was welcome to watch T.V., or he would insist on playing a board game, or throw a football around with me . He always leaned through my doorway with a look of concern and ended his request with a smile. Other than that we would always eat dinner together, and I would try to help around the house as much as possible, mopping the floors or cleaning the bathroom, even though Matt insisted that helping with the dinner mess was more than enough. I could see how much he wanted to spend time with me, but I just wanted to be alone. I was around people all weekend.

I sat down next to Uncle Matt, and twisted myself back and forth on the stool. He looked up at me and smiled that adorable smile he sported just for me. Shutting the lid on the computer, he asked me, "What do you want to do today, babe." Spinning towards me himself, "I thought we could go to the mall or something and pick you up some stuff, I'd thought you would like that. And then afterwards we would go to Kelly's." Ever since I moved in he was trying to bond with me, or buy my love or something when really we had all that, this arrangement just needed time for adjustment.

"Oh that sounds really nice Matt," I had still been going back and forth between Matt and Uncle Matt for some reason. "But Elliott's having a party tonight and I was wondering if I could go?" I was pretty confident he would be fine with this but I guess I was wrong.

" Ehh," he grimaced, "I don't know if I really like that idea." I looked at him confused.

"I go to parties at Elliots all the time, Uncle Andy always let me go, I don't see what the problem is ." His facial expression told me that he didn't care about that,

"Yeah babe, next time okay, just not tonight,"

"You said the other day that this weekend you were cool with me hanging out with my friends. You said you trusted me and it wasn't really a thing I had to ask permission for because I'm fifteen and I'm responsible. Remember we discussed this the other day with Kelly?" I thought back to the other day when me and my three Uncles; Kelly, Matt and Jeff, sat down and I brought up what my curfew and things would be with them. The only reason I brought it up was because it was so close to summer and usually I'm always somewhere everyday in summer. "It's the first real day of summer. and Elliott's having a party, I'll be back by curfew," I stated patiently. Throughout this whole conversation I had shown respect, from the three years I had been a teenager I learned that disrespect got you know where in life. "It would be unfair if you didn't let me go," I gave him my best puppy dog eyes and jutted out my bottom lip.

"Babe," He smiled at me trying to retrieve some kindness that he was soon going to loose. "Next time I promise, just not tonight." I was frustrated don't get me wrong but I wasn't going to throw a fit about it.

"I won't try any more, but why ? Why would you say I could go out , and then today suddenly today get's here and my privileges are magically revoked." I uncrossed my arms and stared him right in the eye. I wasn't going to take a "just because I said so ," as an answer and he knew it. We weren't on a parenting stage yet. We were simply being courteous of each other's feelings towards things, basically the only reason why I asked, to show him I had respect towards him.

"Babe it's just…." He hesitated for a second, "It's just because you're vulnerable right now, and I don't want you going to a party when you're in a state that you can be easily pressured into doing things." I sighed when he finished his question.

"I see you're reasoning and I respect your answer, but I gladly disagree. I'm not vulnerable right now. Vulnerable is for the weak and I'm not weak." I gave him a nod, and disappeared into my room. Secretly I was fuming, there was absolutely no reason I shouldnt of been allowed to go to that party.

I heard him call my name but I ignored him as I flipped through the messages on my phone. I was going to that party tonight, I didn't really care what he said.

It was only like three o'clock and the party didnt start didnt start till eight, so I sprawled out on my bed and surfed the web for a while. It was still weird seeing Uncle Andy's facebook even though he wasn't here anymore. The only reason he got it in the first pace was to keep an eye on me . Huh, like he even needed to look after me , I never caused any real trouble, I was always home by curfew, and was only mouthy every once in a while, just like any other teenage girl was. It's not like I was doing drugs, or drinking. I knew better than that, and Uncle Matt should've realized that too.

It was about six o'clock when Matt came in and I must of dozed off because I was awakened by his voice. I didn't know how convenient my falling asleep was until later in our conversation.

"Hey kiddo," I heard as I stirred awake. "It's a little late to go to shopping now, so I was thinking we'll go tomorrow. But Kelly invited us over for six thirty, so why don't you get ready and we will hit the road." I looked up at him scheming as best as I could in the short response time he gave me . There was no way I could sneak out of Kelly's house to go over to Eliot's without people noticing, somebody would be silly to think that.

"You know Uncle Matt," I said sweetly," This whole week has really caught up to me . I mean something that I never thought would happen took place so suddenly, and then moving in hear the day afterward, so soon… I'm just really worn out." I yawned. FInally sleeping in the middle of the day created a good situation for me instead of a lousy one. " Do you think I could just bale on Kelly's and just rest for a while. I'm exhausted mentally and physically." I smiled a sorrow filled smile.

He was anything but hesitant about answering me, "Of course babe, you really do need to relax a little, maybe not even tonight, but a couple days. I'll call Kelly and tell him we're not coming, I think thats a really great idea kiddo." HIm being home was not going to work either.

"No Uncle Matt go, you were talking about it all day, don't let me hold you back please,"

"Are you sure babe? I can stay home it won't be an issue." I nodded confirming my assurance. I wasn't just sure I was adamant that he needed to go. "Okay, but call me if you need anything, or if you just don't want to be home alone okay. I'll come pick you up, or I'll come stay with you."

"Deal," I replied. He was being so sweet to me I had guilt building up inside, but not enough to not make me go to my party. No harm, no foul.

Shortly after, Matt tucked me in like when I was little, and promised that he would be back by one. As soon as he I heard his truck pull out of the driveway I leapt up out of bed and danced with joy. It wasn't that I was excited that I was rebelling, because I actually felt really bad for lying to Uncle Matt, but I was excited to finally return back to a normal life, of friends and fun. Even the thought of it washed me with a wave of relief, kind of like opening the windows to a spring breeze after a much too long winter .

Addie was picking me up seven fifteen so I had to get ready. I looked through my dresser and pulled out a pair of black pants and a flowy white tank top., that I would wear a shorter Jean jacket on top of. After putting on my clothes, I pulled back the top layer of my hair into a single braid and let the rest of my natural waves flow freely down my back. I threw on a pair of tan leather boots and my cross body purse that matched and I was ready to go. I wasn't one for makeup I never really saw the use. Right on time Addie pulled up and we rode off to the party. I explained to her the circumstances and she offered me a ride home before one so I could get home before Matt, and I eagerly accepted.

We had arrived at Elliots a little past eight, and made or way to the back where he always had his bomb fires. Both mine and Addies brown hair blew in the spring breeze as we hooked arms and helped each other across the muddy lawn.

"Sawyer," John called from across the fire. I could barely make out his blue eyes and scruffy brown hair with the now setting sun. "Our groups over here," . John was six foot tall with an athletic build, and a quirky smile that never failed to make me laugh. He always told the funniest stories and always knew the all the right things to say. He wasn't the star player on the hockey team, but was the starting left wing on varsity.

I nodded my head at him and we made our way over. I was excited to see him, we didn't see each other at all Monday or Tuesday, because we had different testing classrooms, and until today I had been dreadfully ignoring my phone.

"What's up Johnny boy," I gleamed as he stepped back opening a space fup for me in the group. He rolled his eyes at me, a gesture that reminded me to much of Uncle Matt.

"Nothing much Sawy-Bean," He chuckled.

"If you ever call me Sawy-Bean again…."

"Hey guys there is chairs over there." Elliot interrupted me, as I pulled up my fist threatening John, incase he was going to repeat his past discretion.

"Come on, let's go get some chairs." He placed a hand on my shoulder and grabbed two chairs. One for him and one for me.

My whole "social group," I guess you could call it, sat around the fire basically in the order of boy girl boy girl. Of course like any high school party there was drinking, but Addie, Lexie, John, and I really weren't into that kind of stuff. The only good thing about drinking, was absolutely nothing. I didn't really understand the point of it. It tasted gross, it made you feel like crap, and it was illegal.

By now it was getting late, like eleven or so and the all the truth was starting to pour right out of me. John was one of the easiest people to talk to. He was probably my best friend that I felt most comfortable with. We had only known each other about a year but if you could see how close we were to each other you would think we were friends since preschool.

When he asked me about the whole ordeal from this previous week, I got kind of emotional. He grabbed my hand like many times before, and pulled me out by a big oak tree where we had sat and had many heart to hearts at many of these parties.

"So how are you really dealing with this?" John asked blinking from the beam radiating from the full moon that was glaring in his eye. I stared at the ground, picking pieces of the new grass and throwing over my leg. "Hey," he continued squeezing my hand to get my attention, "come on now,"

I looked at him with sorrow filled eyes, prepared to lie to him just as I was lying to myself. "I mean it sucks, it really really sucks, but you know, I'm fine." He gave me a knowing look, but I ignored it much like i ignored everyones plea to break down this week. It wasn't going to happen. I shivered at the thought of everything, and John threw his arm around me. It was like a shield draped across my shoulders protecting me from the emotions I tried my best not to feel. I wasn't really sure if I wanted anything more out of my and John's relationship. I absolutely loved our friendship, the holding hands and the arm around my shoulders was nothing knew, it was just a simple gesture that was common in our friendship, I Never really talked about my problems, but if I needed to I know I could count on him.

I scooched closer to him, warming myself from the chilly midnight breeze.

"I wanted to come to the funeral so bad, but I couldn't miss my algebra exam," John explained. His deep voice always sounded so sincere. The white moonlight made the print on his shirt glow. "I know this must be really hard for you and all, but just remember he loved you more than anything. Do you remember that time he threatened to have me arrested if I ever said something that couldn't be put on a rated G movie to you, or even in front of you." We both chuckled as we thought about the first time John had ever came to hang out. Before I knew it a single tear was rolling down my cheek, and John's thumb was reaching up to wipe it away.

"What the hell is going on here?" I looked up to see no other than Kelly Severide yelling at me from a good three feet away.

"Oh my god Uncle Kelly, I'm so sorry I.. I can explain."

"Why are you alone out here with this scum b*ag?" He voice was just as livid as it was thirty seconds ago.

"He's not a scumbag, he's my best friend," I yelled back at him, This was the first time I had ever raised my voice at him.

"Let's go little lady," He grabbed my arm and pulled me up off the ground.

"At least let me say goodbye first," I spat fighting against the grip. Before I knew it he had me over his shoulder kicking and screaming. If all my friends didn't know him they probably would of thought I was getting kidnapped. I squirmed in his grip until he pushed me into the passenger seat in his car. I went to get out the door before he shut it but he knew me to well,.

"Dont you even think about it, Sawyer I swear," he wasn't the Kelly I knew and loved, he was beginning to be a Kelly I hated and despised.

It seemed like we were in the car forever when Kelly finally got off the phone with Matt.

"Do you know how scared your Uncle Matt, and I were when he went home and you weren't there?" He screamed, us now pulling into his parking garage. "Huh ?"

"I would of been home if he didn't lie about what time he said he would," I mumbled. My arms were crossed as he opened my door and pulled me out of his car.

"What did you say? " I hated it when he yelled. "What did you say?" He demanded now leading me into his apartment by my forearm. "Tell me what you said,"

"I said that if Uncle Matt wouldn't of lied about what time he was coming home this would of never happened!"

"You're blaming this on him !" Kelly fumed, he bent down to get eye to eye with me and was right up in my face. "You lied, and you snuck out, and now you're blaming this on Matt?" I looked around Kelly's apartment to see Shay watching us as she sat on the couch, only to get my head jerked back around by Kelly's hand on my chin. " You didnt even answer your phone when we called, do you know how worried we were." He paused for a minute catching his breath. I could only imagine what his neighbors thought.

"We were worried sick," He shook me trying to get his point. Never in my life had I ever gotten yelled at, except for a simple no or a I'm very disappointed in you. My eyes were welling up in tears from this, this was hardcore.

"I dont care," I replied, "I honestly don't care if you were worried about if you were worried about me. Uncle Matt knew I wanted to go to Elliott's party, and he told me I could go the other day, and then today he didn't want me to go. If you guys were smart enough you would've of our town and two together and then you wouldn't of had to be worried. If you didn't go back on your word we wouldn't be in this situation now would we? So I really. Dont. Care." I screamed in his face.

"You dont care? After all we did for you tonight you don't care? And whats up with that boy you're never seeing him again, hes probably the one who convinced you to come to that party? I cant believe you, this is not the Sawyer I know and love, and this is certainly not the Sawyer I respect."

"If you dont want me so much with me then put in foster care! You think you're my saving grace, my life raft in a raptured sea, but I don't need you, I'd be totally fine there. I never did I ask you to be my guardian did I." I was breathing heavy now and my voice was raspy from the screaming. "You're the last person I need ! And you are definitely not the boss of me. In no way shape or form are you my Uncle, not by marriage, not by paper, and not by blood!"

" None of this behavior is acceptable, and you know that! Do you ever think we can trust you again. Do you ever think we will ever be able to leave alone again after tfucking stunt. Sneaking out to a party, is not you Sawyer, and let me tell you I'll beat your ass if I find out that you were drinking.

"It was a god damn party Kelly,! Stop acting like I'm strung out on acid. I'm done with all these people you said you won't be able to let me stay alone ? That's the whole fucking reason I left because you wouldn't leave me the hell alone. Sawyer do this, Sawyer do that, I'm sick of hanging around a group of adults that are oblivious to the real world. Let's celebrate because we have a week off. Guess what you have a week off because you didn't do your job!"

"Language watch your fucking language Sawyer!"

"Fuck off!" I screamed

I finally got loose of Kelly's hold and made a run for the steps that led upstairs. "Uncle Andy would be so disappointed in you for tonight, you've truly went against everything he ever taught you? Your disgracing the Darden name!" With this I ran back at Kelly, punching with my fists as hard as I could. Each hit felt as good as the last, he deserved it.

"You killed him!" I screamed, struggling to keep free from the hold he was attempting to have me in. He had one hand wrapped around my wrists trying to keep me from hitting him and his other arm wrapped around my body trying to keep me from kicking him. Every once in awhile my arm or my leg would get a stray accomplishing another blow to Kelly's chest. Tears streamed down my face as I continued. "You let him die! " I was now screaming at the top of my lungs. "You and Matt promised to always have his back, never leave a man behind, you remember that? But you sick son of a bitches were too worried about yourselves. You killed him! I wish it was you. I fucking wish they left you inside that building instead of him At Least you would have deserved it." I finally finished spitting a luggie at him to top it all off as I helplessly struggled against his hold.

"Let me go," I screamed getting a second wind. My arms held tight as I knocked them as hard against his chest as I possibly could. " You let him die! You let the one person I love die, and you think I'd care if you worried about me. We're you worrying about me when you evacuated that burning building and Andy was inside? I've heard the real story from kids at school, don't think I don't know." I ranted through my sobs, his hands burned against my wrist.

"You left him, you let him die, He's dead because of YOU! YOU KILLED HIM!"

I gave up the yelling and resorted back to attempting to him, my throat burned from all the tears and my face soaked from the crying.

"Shhh babe, it' okay." Kelly cooed, letting go of my hand and tucking the hair that was stuck to my face behind my ear. WIth that I was back at sloppily punching his chest, he didnt even flinch.

"I hate you!" I cried, my voice soft and hoarse from all the yelling, " I hate you , you killed him!" I must of repeated another fifty times before, I collapsed into sobs against the wall. I slid down the wall balling the sobs ricketing my body. I almost made myself sick from crying. Before I knew it Kelly was sitting on the floor with me.

"It's okay baby girl, it's okay," He whispered rubbing my knee cap, trying to get me to look him in the eye. Instead my knees were pulled to my chest and my face was buried between them hiccupping as I sobbed . "Shhhh, monkey, you're going to make your self hyperventilate. Big breaths babe, big breathes." I tried to slow my breathes but my body was still shaking from my bawling and I was shivering from a break of a cold sweat. My face burned from the tears. Kelly sat there, crisscrossed, rubbing the part of my back that wasn't up against the wall.

I looked up at Kelly and just like a little kid I buried my face right back into my knees , my sobs were ugly and loud. I had that ringing in my ears that came with crying, I couldnt remember the last time I had cried like this, probably when the social worker took me away from my home and to my Uncle Andy.

Uncle Kelly took his rough hands, placed one behind my back and laced the other one through my legs, and pulled me on top of his lap. I tried to resist but I didn't have the energy, I simply put my hand on his chest and attempted to push him away, but there was no use, he just held me tight against him as I violently cried against his chest. "I hate you," I whispered. It's all I could think of saying, so just like before I whispered it over and over again. I wasn't giving in .

I just layed there against his chest as his hands brushed against my scalp pulling my tear soaked hair off my face and into a ponytail. HIs whole body was warm and I felt the exposed skin of his chest, revealed by his v-neck against my cheek. HIs chin resting on my head as I convulsed against him. "shhh babe, you're going to make yourself sick, It's okay babe, everythings going to be okay. I love you babe with all of my heart. I promise everything's going to be okay." I fell limp against him my sobs quieting but my tears still streaming down my cheeks and onto his shirt, My stomach hurt from the crying, and i was exhausted so I gave up and held on to a Kelly like he was holding on to me. It felt so good to finally cry. " I'm right here babe.I will always be, theres never a time that I didn't want you." One of his hands was held against the back of my head stroking my hair and pressing my sobs against his pecks, his other hand was around me stomach.

"I'm sorry monkey, I'm so sorry. Let me hold you okay? I need to hold you." He whispered in my ear. I loosened up and he pulled me even closer to him my but sitting in the middle of his lap as his lips pressed against my forehead never leaving . I could feel the moisture and the heat radiating off of them, they were soft and tender unlike his hands.

Uncle Kelly picked me up and carried me to his room, I was too exhausted to resist him. I just let him take me take me laying limp in his arms, still refusing to make EYE contact with him. Placing me on the bed, he dug through one of his drawers for something.

He helped me out of my jean jacket and helped me into one of his blew Chicago Squad t-shirts. I hadn't wore any of my own pajamas in a while it had seemed like, I had fallen asleep at other peoples house all the time this week. It really wasn't weird to change in front of any of them, they were family and it wasn't like I was naked, they were the ones to give me baths and get me dressed for school when I was little so them seeing me in a sports bra and boy short underwear wasn't really a big deal. He left, only to return with a pair of shorts of Leslies and helped me change into those , taking my boots and socks up for me, I still felt sick from crying. He left one more time this time returning with a glass of water and what looked to be a washcloth. Held the glass to my lips insisting that I took a sip of water, my hiccups still in full effect. Everytime I hiccupped it felt like the back of my throat was touching the front of my throat. He then washed my face of their dried tears and what he could of the tears still being created. Rubbing his thumbs over my cheeks as he did so. I refused to look at him ,out of shame and embarrassment, we sat there in silence.

A few minutes later Kelly got up placing the water and washcloth on the nightstand, and changed into a pair of red cotton pajamas pants, took off his tear soaked shirt and crawled into bed next to . I scooched myself to the far right of his King sized bed to give him some room and he flipped out the light. The room was pitch black, and everything was silent except for the sniffles that sporadically escaped my nose, and the hiccups that rattled my body. Kelly moved towards me and once again pulled me against his bare chest, I nuzzled my face into the crook of his arm and relaxed just a little. Before when I said That I never felt safer in than when I was in Leslie or Gabby's arm, that was a lie. Kelly's arms were better than being guarded by one hundred police officers. His bare chest was cold compared to the rest of his body and as hard as a rock, it soothed my face that was rubbed raw from the tears. I wrapped my arms around him my hands meeting at the small of his back, my feet only reached the middle of his calf. Once again, I began to sob. I had cried more tonight than I ever did in my life. I cried for Uncle Andy, I cried for my situation, I cried for the embarrassment of yelling at Kelly, I cried for the embarrassment of getting yelled at by KElly, I even cried for Shay having to watch the whole thing. What was happening to me, when was I becoming ? This wasnt me, I didn't like this being me , but then again Sawyer Darden always had an Uncle Andy and now she didn't, so I guess she never cried and now she did.

"Hey baby girl, I'm right here monkey, talk to me. Whatcha feeling ?" I could feel his eyes looking down at me . HIs voice was the one he only used with me, no longer was it an irritated, angered tone but it was the soothing vulnerable tone. I just sobbed some more as he traced circles on my back with his fingers. "Whatcha feeling kiddo, just tell me? Im here to help you, I miss him at ton you know, he was my best friend. The only person I care about more than him is you."

I stopped my sobbing to lean my face up to Kelly's and kissed him on the cheek. He kissed mine in return. "We're eachothers only real family , until you came along kiddo, We trusted each other with our lives, and he trusts me with yours. I know you're feeling something." I pushed my nose back against his chest and in one quiet sob , I finally cried out, "I just want Uncle Andy." Uncle Kelly just held me tighter and for the rest of the night we didn't say anything . That night, I fell asleep to the calming sound of the beat of his heart, and speaking for the both of us, we slept the best we ever had since the night Uncle Andy died.

**So that was a long one, and very emotional if I might add. As I write this I feel the emotions Sawyer does and it's crazy like I find myself being mad at Kelly and Casey and I'm like woah, it's just a story. Thank you so much for reading! I really love all my readers, you guys are the best.:) Please review! I have so many followers but only a certain few of you review. Reviews are the fuel to my fire. If you have any plot lines you'd like to see played out let me know, Id really appreciate it . So stop by and just say hi if you want, or give me a suggestion. It doesn't matter , just review! And if you haven't already, Fave/Follow XOXO~ Maddie**


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay so there was definitely a formatting glitch, so lets try this again :)Sorry it's taken me two whole months to update! I promise the next update will be soon. I've been really busy with track and exams and everything elese that makes a teens life stressful.:) Haha this isnt really my favorite chapter but it's a long one. So I hope you enjoy.:)**

I woke up to the white walls of Kellys bedroom staring back at me,and the sweet smell of bacon filling my nose. Stray hairs from my ponytail were stuck to my face with tears from the night before,and I wouldn't doubt that my face was spotted with blotches of red from all the crying. I could hear the sound of clanking plates and pictured Shay at the stove making breakfast. The spot where Kelly once lied was empty and his grey comforter was draped around me as if it was done recently.

I sat up trying to put myself together before attempting to make a journey into the kitchen. What even happened? How did that even happen? That wasn't me, Uncle Kelly was my best friend, he never yelled at me, and I certainly never yelled at him. Who was I turning into? Everything had changed so much in the couple days after Uncle Andy's death but never did I think I would. In the past few days I had went from an independent, respectful, together and rational young lady, to some emotional, snotty, ungrateful, brat. I didn't like this new person I had become and vowed it would end today. It was simply a five day phase and starting now I would redeem myself and my Sawyer wasn't here to stay, she was on her way out the door.

After a few more moments of self reflection, I mustered up the courage to face my consequences and pulled myself into the kitchen. I walked down the small hallway into the kitchen, and pulled myself onto one of the black bar stools facing the small granite island. To my surprise it was a shirtless Kelly, who was manning the stove while Shay was on her way out the door.

"Where is she on her way to at seven thirty in the morning," I asked as the door clicked with it's frame. Kelly jumped from the presence of my voice.

"Woah kiddo, you scared me," He smiled. For such a manly man he had a smooth shaven chest, his "ladies" must of liked it better that way. Uncle Andy never flat out told me that Kelly was a player, but I could pretty much tell. It wasn't a big surprise or anything he was a nice looking guy,all of them were if you thought about it. "Does french toast and bacon sound good?" he continued. I couldn't help but smile back, he was trying so hard, he knew that that was my favorite .

"Sounds great," I replied still not looking him in the eyes. I was too embarrassed. Never had he ever saw me like that and throwing fits wasn't my thing, I don't think I had even done that with UNcle Andy ever. I didn't want anyone to know me like that, especially the people I looked up to the most. "Is there anything you want me to do?"

"Nah kiddo, why don't you just go sit down at the table and I'll be over in a second," I loved it when he called me kiddo, there were so many terms of endearment he used for me, but kiddo was my favorite. I really didn't know why but it was.

I took the two glasses of orange juice he had poured for us and carried them to the small black table, and sat down. Kelly followed me with two plates of french toast and bacon, and a jar of peanut peanut butter and french toast was something I learned from him, and now I wouldnt eat it any other way. "Eat up, you have a big day ahead of you," He stated motioning towards my fork. I watched myself as I wrapped my dainty fingers around my fork, noticing that my gold nailpolish was beginning to chip off.

All I could think about after he said that was hard, sweaty, manual labor. I deserved whatever I got. Crying was just so immature and inappropriate last night. "I'm so sorry.." I began, stuttering with every word. I was shaking just mentioning it.

"Let's forget about that for right now, okay? We have a really nice day ahead of us and I don't want to ruin that." I went to speak but he cut me off again. "There'll be a time and a place for that, just not right now. Right now me and you are going to have an amazing day, just the two of us, and forget about everything else. Deal?" I just nodded my head in response, now I would have to anticipate my consequences until then.

"So why don't you head upstairs and ransack Shays clothes to find something to wear. Something comfy, like stuff you can run around in okay? I'll clean up why you get ready and I'll meet you down here in five okay"

"Okay," I replied pushing in my chair and making my way upstairs. After a few minutes of rummaging around, I decided on a pair of green running shorts and a long sleeved gray CPFD t-shirt. Slowly running shorts and CPFD t-shirts were becoming my wardrobe as much it was theirs. Scary, thats what that was. After throwing some clothes on I brushed my hair out and threw it into a messy bun, and made my way back down stairs, where Kelly was waiting for me with a pair of my old tennis shoes I had must of left there.

"These still fit you right?" He asked as he handed them too me.

"Yup,".

"God," He laughed, staring me up and down, "You're like the perfect combination of Shay and Dawson,"

"Thank you, I guess. That sounded a little creepy if I'm going to be honest." I quipped.

"You know what I meant, babe," He justified. "You're beautiful, even in running clothes you couldn't look more perfect."

"You're my Uncle it doesn't count," I smiled

"It should because I'm your favorite remember?" .

"You wish," I teased walking out the door he had opened for me. It was nice being able to joke around with him but I knew by our conversation earlier that this wasn't the end of last night.

About twenty minutes later we were pulling into a rock climbing place I remembered going to as a kid. "So what's this whole ordeal about?"I questioned, curious about the special treatment. I should be punished not rewarded.

"Do you remember when you were little and we used to have, date nights every Saturday?"

"Yes," I said skeptically, not sure where he was going with this.

"We're starting that back up again." He continued, "Not necessarily every Saturday, but one day a week that works for the both of us. Just me and you doing something special . Sure there are going to be other days during the week that it's just me and you, but on our date night we're going to do something extra special. Just the two of us, like the good old days."

"I don't want special treatment because Uncle Andy died," I blurted out. I couldnt help it It just said itself.

"This isn't special treatment. Sawyer, this is change." He rebuttled, cupping my chin in his hand so he could see my face. I shied away from his cold hands.

"Yes, but this change wouldn't be happening if my UNcle didn't I said before Kelly, I don't want to be treated any differently because Uncle Andy died."

"Things change when someone dies Sawyer, and as much as you don't like it, it has to happen. These things are all for the better kiddo, I promise.

"But … I don't need anything to be better, everything is fine …" I started. My voice was beginning to raise, not because I was mad but because I needed him to hear me.

"Sawyer, honey, I don't know you." Right then the world stopped for a moment. HIs voice was so serious and so honest sounding. Though his voice was soft his words were strong.

" You do too," I whined, "That Sawyer, last night, she wasnt me Uncle Kelly, I promise. Thats not who I really am. That's not me, I promise, I never said something more truthful ever. She wasnt me, I'm me independent, strong Sawyer." I was speaking a mile a minute, trying to convince both him and myself of my true identity.

"Shhh, baby girl, hush." He pleaded, "I know that wasnt you last night thats not what I was talking about. " He was looking me directly in the eyes now, his ice cold eyes devouring my soul. I didnt dare break our contact for fear I might die." I don't know the Sawyer under that shell," He continued, poking me in the shoulder as if that was what my shell was. "That shell , that strong independent Sawyer shell. I want to be able to see the emotions you're hiding and the pain that you have, the only way I can help you is if I know the real you."

"That is the real me. I'm not hiding anything. 'm not in any pain, I have know emotions to hide Uncle Kelly you have to believe me, I'm fine."

"Come on Sawyer, let's go." He said gently, taking my hand and helping me out of the car. "We'll talk more tonight."

Rock climbing had been one of my favorite things to do since I was a kid. Uncle Andy and I had always been pretty adventurous , and we always found knew things to do on the weekends, rock climbing became one of our regulars.

"You ready to be beat," I challenged, rehooking my self up to my harness, as I got ready for my final climb up "Cliffhanger's'' biggest wall.

"In your dreams little girl," Kelly grimaced adjusting his helmet.

"Three, two, one, go!" I shouted racing up the wall, Kelly on my tail. Thirty seconds later we were both almost to the top, at the trickiest part of the course where there was only one foot hold, but there were two people.

"You're going down my padawan,"Kelly said reaching for the foothold before I could. His arms were about two times longer than mine so it was a miracle I was even close to beating him. RIght when I thought I was about to lose his hand must of slipped and as fast as his harness allowed him he fell down the wall. I smiled at his spiteful face as he grasped the wall once again but this time a good three feet below me . I made my move to the top of the wall and soon I was standing on the top doing a victory dance, sticking my tongue out at KElly and everything.

"Real mature,"He smirked pulling himself up on to the platform I was standing on. Before I could reply he pushed me of and I was propelling down the side as he laughed hysterically

Ten minutes later we were putting our gear on the front counter and headed out the door. "So, are we headed back to your place or am I going back to Uncle Matts?"

"We're not done yet kiddo, we're meeting Uncle Mat and Uncle Jeff for dinner." He informed me. Was it really that late already. I looked down at the clock and sure enough it was quarter after six. Time sure does fly when you're having fun. I

"I'm guessing it's not just dinner is it, I sulked.

"Just remember, everything is for the better kiddo, okay?" I didn't reply at first my heart felt hollow, like that feeling when you're getting called down to the principals office even when you know you didnt do anything.

"There isn't anything to change for the better," I mumbled not thinking he would hear me.

" Hey babe, we know what's best for you, I know that you want to be independent, but you're the kid and we're the adults. We love you." he turned to me and grabbed my hand.

"So since I know everything is going to be brought up during this, will I be free to speak my end of the story too." i questioned . It was a very innocent question, I was just hoping that it wasn't going to be me doing all the listening and them doing all the talking..

"Of course kiddo, I want you to be able to speak your mind tonight."

I was silent for the rest of the way their wondering where we were going and how this was going to take place.I was scared, which was pretty unrational. I mean what were they going to do ground me , that wouldn't be so bad.

"So did you tell them about last night?" I asked nonchalantly as we walked into Demaio's, a little Italian restaurant right in the heart of the city. I really was hoping he didn't, but a piece of me knew they at least heard a little about it .

"Bits and pieces, not the whole story." He replied.

"I really don't want you to think of me that way, I'm never like that, I don't know what had gotten into me." I beckoned. "I'm really sorry, there's really no excuse for my behavior. It was very immature of me to act like that, when I brought you yelling at me on myself."

"Babe, this isnt your fault you dont need to apologize." Kelly reassured me as he opened the door for me to walk into the restaurant. I just walked in ignoring his last statement.

"Sawyer! Kelly!" I heard Jeff yell, he was waving us over to a booth that him and Uncle Matt were sitting in. We made our way over and I slid myself into the spot next to Jeff.

"Hey love," he exclaimed wrapping his arm around me . I wasn't really in the mood for this, I just wanted to got home, wherever that was, and go to bed. I was waiting to wake up from this nightmare, and have my life to return to normal. I was sick of being a burden, I wanted to go back to bros instead of me being a life changing circumstance.

The talking was casual and quite boring for a while, which made me happy because for once this week the attention wasn't on me, so I folded my arms and put my head in the table. I could feel Uncle Jeff rubbing my back as I fell into a light slumber.

Before I knew it I was being shook awake, and made aware that our food had arrived. I was starving and dug right in.

"So how was your day with Uncle Kelly?" Jeff asked as he spooned a mouthful of spaghetti into his mouth.

"Not to be disrespectful Clarke, but I know why were here, can we just not beat around the bush and get to the repercussions to my behavior. I've been anticipating it all day, and I don't think I can take it much longer." I asked sweetly, I was sick to my stomach about how disappointed they were going to say they were, and I just wanted to get it over with.

Uncle Matt grabbed my hand and began to speak. " We're not upset Saw, we're just worried about you. We know that last night was just a side effect of holding it all in, land we want you to be comfortable with telling us how you feel. The three of us talked, and we realized that we've never seen a side of you that wasn't happy go-lucky Sawyer, So we figured that we never gave you a chance to show how you felt, we've just assumed you were fine.

"Guy's seriously I'm fine. I dont get mad or sad, I'm optimistic I look at the best side of things, at thats whats really irritating me is you guys not believing me. That's why I snuck out last night, I was sick of being felt pity for when I'm fine. I dealt with it, it's over. I'm independent I don't need anyone. I'm fifteen years old, girls my age in Africa are having their second or third baby by now, I think I can handle taking care of myself, and my emotions. I'm sorry for the crying last night, that will never happen again. But me sneaking out was as much your fault as it was mine. I dont want to sound rude, but I needed to be away from people who didn't understand me, and I was responsible while I was 's like what I told Matt the other day, you guys don't know me like Uncle Andy did, we have different relationships." I gave them a smile trying to reassure them that everything I was saying was a good thing, but they weren't falling for it.

"That's our point love, we want to be as close to you as you were to Uncle Andy." Jeff said.

"I dont think you get it. Andy was basically my dad, he was responsible for the parenting, and how I felt, and we went through everything together ." I began, "You guys were the fun guys, the gift givers, the relief. I needed Uncle Andy to be my parent, to teach me right from wrong and good from bad, he was my parent. I'm all grown up now guys. " I was simply trying to drill this into their brains.

"I dont need a parent, I simply need an advisor. What I picture to be our living situation is for me to have a curfew, and for me to respect that curfew. For me to get good grades, because thats what I do, and for my actions to be responsible, and other than that I don't need to be parented. I dont need you to care about how I'm feeling, or where I'm going. If you make plans I'll be there, or if you want me to do chores, or even get a job I'll do that, but other than that we will be just like roommates."

I looked around again giving myself a moment to breath before I began talking. "I simply don't want the relationship I had with Andy, to be the one I have with you guys. I want you guys to still be my fun Uncles, and I dont want to ruin that.

"Sawyer," Jeff said grabbing my hand that's not going to happen. You're still a child, you don't know what's best for you, we do . Our relationship is changing for the better not the worst okay?"

"But it's not the same, Uncle Jeff," I bellowed. "Everything had changed so much I don't want this to change too." My eyes were getting wet.

"I know kiddo, I know," He said pulling me into his side.

" I'm sick of the touching, and the emotional stuff." I interjected pulling myself away from him. "It's not me, it's weird, I feel smothered, and I'm so done with this."

They all just looked at me there wasn't really a reaction to give to that. "I'm sick of being coddled and touched and hugged and talked to and cared about, I just want to be left alone, and treated like nothing happened. And I want you guys to forget about the way I've acted for the past five days, and I don't want you guys to go around telling your girl friends about it. Please." I begged, " I just want things to go back to normal as much as they can. It's been a really weird week." Now I was laughing thinking of all the weird circumstances that I had been threw .

"Yeah kiddo," Kelly smiled, " I think we can all agree to fulfill each others wishes and everything can go back to as much normal as it can. You guys good with that?" He asked looking around the table at his two best friends.

"But heres the deal Sawyer. We're your guardians,"Matt said pointing to Kelly and himself, "And as much as you don't like it , we're your parents know how independent you are and we love that, but as much as you won't admit it, you need us. And we're always going to be here for you and be your guiding hand. You put up this front like you're this really tough, young adult. But behind it we know that sometimes you're a crumbling little kid like you're supposed to be." he grinned at me, a cute little grin that made his dimples visible.

"And trust me, we know you're stubborn." Kelly stated. "Infact you get that from me, but last night Sawyer, really opened my eyes to what an amazing kid you are. It showed me how long it really took you to break and respect you so much for that, but together we're going to work on you being comfortable enough with us, to show us your emotional side without having to break you."

"We love you, babe. We just want to give you the best life possible." Uncle Matt said reaching across the table and kissing me on the forehead. "And I dont even care if you don't like being touched. I'm going to kiss you as much as I want." With that the whole table erupted into laughter.

**So I really didn't like this chapter at all, it was a weird one to write.I just needed to post something so I'm really sorry. The next couple chapters will be better I promise:) If there are any moments you'd like to see between Sawyer and somebody from firehouse 51 let me know. I promise this was my last chapter dealing with Dardens death, happy, nice, not dealing with Darden moments are coming in the next chapter I promise. Please Review, nothing mean please, I know this chapter wasn't my best. If you haven't already follow/fav. Love you guys. Review! Review Review!**


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